[scar4me]

Always ride with 'mountain money' (aka bog roll) stash in my backpack.

Buddies can owe you big time, if you ever hit that situation!

 

[RickBullottaPA]

This is the bible:

How to **** in the Woods, 4th Edition by Kathleen Meyer: 9781984857132 | PenguinRandomHouse.com: Books

 

[TylerVernon]

There are few things as miserable as riding hard to get to that porta potty on a 100F Texas afternoon, which is in the sun of course, and roasting in rivers of your own sweat as you try to take care of business. The rivulets going down your back form a kind of natural bidet.

We went to the moon like sixty years ago, yet us citizens trying to stay in shape still have to endure this? Something is wrong with our priorities.

 

[Bikedog22]

For #1 I lean the bike over, put my foot down and pull up the shorts and go.

I've never had to do two on a ride unless I'm overnighting. I always carry some TP. Dig a hole with my heel, fill it and pile some rocks on it.

 

[MMS]

Reminds me of a joke...

2 guys out riding. One has to poo. Says to his buddy, "I gotta drop a deuce, but I don't have any paper". Buddy says, "Do you have a dollar?" First guy says, "Oh yeah I do!" Goes off to do his business. Comes back with fecal matter all over his hands. Buddy says,"I thought you said you had a dollar?" Poo guy says, "I did, 3 quarters, 2 dimes, and a nickel!"

I'll be here all week, you don't have to go home...but you can't stay here. Don't forget to tip the wait staff.

 

[MMS]

And knock on wood...never had to #2 in the wild. My bowels lock up until they're in a comfortable environment. #1, stop in a shaded, low/no traffic area, write my name on whatever's available.

 

[She&I]

Holy shyt, you bike riders are amateurs.

 

[Nine_toes]

View attachment 2162737

Can you actually poop while you're still in the yak? Because that's something I might be interested in, NGL.

 

[She&I]

Can you actually poop while you're still in the yak? Because that's something I might be interested in, NGL.

Absolutely. And I’m certain that you’ll enjoy the colostomy catheter.

 

[Nine_toes]

There are few things as miserable as riding hard to get to that porta potty on a 100F Texas afternoon, which is in the sun of course, and roasting in rivers of your own sweat as you try to take care of business. The rivulets going down your back form a kind of natural bidet.

We went to the moon like sixty years ago, yet us citizens trying to stay in shape still have to endure this? Something is wrong with our priorities.

Ugh. I feel this.

We used to have nice bathrooms with ventilation, sinks and flush toilets but apparently people use them for weird seggs and doing drugs. Plus you have to pay someone more to clean them than a porta-potty.

We are definitely at a low point in society.

 

[Nine_toes]

Gotta go cross-thread my axles. Maybe I'll do a stealth poo in honor of y'all on my ride. Keep it real in here.

 

[SouthSoundRider]

I like to drop a shiz on the berms. That way riders say “omg a bear shizzed on the berm!!”

 

[AEyogi]

I carry a little TP in my pack for such emergencies. If I run out, worst case is I have a dirty sock folded up in my pack.

 

[skankingbiker]

Don’t lie, we’ve all done it. I like to find a good vista where I can look out before dispersing with my bodily fluids. Nothing better than relieving ones self while looking across a beautiful landscape, a full natural experience in every single way.

I certainly don't strap loo roll to my bike, so for sh*ts ideally some big soft leaves, but that can be climate dependent. Instead in soCal it'll be some smooth round rocks (if im lucky enough to find them). Ideally big enough to grip with one side and let the other be my 'wiping zone'. Oh and be sure to dust off any grit. After I’ve done my business, gently roll the rocks one at a time over the bum hole – job done.

1. Don't put you tip in the wild parsnip

2. Carry a little ziplock with wet wipes if the deuce is loose.

 

[skankingbiker]

If locked and loaded properly, a healthy dump, created by a healthy diet, shouldn‘t require elaborate or excessive wiping. If you find you need a bottle of Clorox and a wire brush after each dump…. Something ain’t right with your guts. Back off on that nasty food-like stuff you’ve been shoveling in your pie hole.

You know IBS and 'roids are a thing people get, right?

 

[Nine_toes]

I like to drop a shiz on the berms. That way riders say “omg a bear shizzed on the berm!!”

No worries. A kid will come along with a little steeze and schralp your shizz.

 

[Nine_toes]

You know IBS and 'roids are a thing people get, right?

They’re both a real PITA

 

[chazpat]

I'm a one and done in the morning fella (I guess that should be a "two" and done) so not a concern of mine.

Just got back from a trip to Banff and Jasper with my wife. She is a real pro at a quick oning in the woods; I'm proud of her.

 

[SouthSoundRider]

One time, I needed to pee really bad in the woods. I was by myself and doing some photography on the MTB trails. I was in an isolated area with no riders around. The very second I start to pee, 3-4 riders passed right by and saw me pissing in the woods. Talk about timing!

 

[Ezra E]

I always Cary a left over clean napkin or two in my bag.

never wipe with poison ivy, a friend of mine did and it did NOT go well 😳🤣