Hmm, that's a great post, FB! You bring up some really great points.
I think the big thing is, in the 80's "alt materials" like alum & even carbon & ti were essentially being used as substitute materials, within a refined structure engineered for steel. Alan & Vitus come to mind. Aluminum is indeed much softer, and weaker than steel. What RC & a few others picked up on (early) was that alum, for the same weight, can produce a much larger diameter tube & a more rigid frame.
While working for a certain local company some years ago, we happened to buy a well known and popular SantaCruz framebuilder. One of the brand-transitioning projects I was involved with, was testing & analysis of their old frames, as we'd soon be taking over their production. Among other results, we watched in amazement as the BB's deflected vertically almost an inch and three quarters before reaching yeild. Just over an inch under normal conditions, which approximated a 200lb rider on a railroadtrack at 15mph. That is one hell of a lot of give in a rear end, and was deemed unsafe. By contrast, our house tubesets built into the the same frame configuration eventually yeilded at an inch, and about 3/8 at normal. The Merlin, Spectrum & Litespeeds we tested at the time were like rubber bands, but could handle a seemingly infinite cycle duration. Alum's yeild stregth isn't far off from its ultimate strength, and it's elongation capacity being short as well means your best bet is to keep the structure as well away from yeild as possible, with large large od's & sections. What a pain, that aluminum. Still, it's the lightest, next to the fiendish quagmire of engineering out a carbon lam, plus, it's cheap, and looks cool, so marketing is generally pushing for it... Alum it is.
Really though, in the end, you're right. While all these materials have quite different mods of elasticity, and therefore will offer a different feel, everything else that separates an ass from a rock plays a proportional part. Notably, spoke count & tension, seatpost length & material, and so on.
Basic stuff, yeah, I know, but this is probably the most thought I'll put into a posting online. I have work to do too! Marketing has definitely sold a lot of rotten mackerel to a lot of people with aquariums, and especially to people with bicycles looking for a fish.
Books keep people from falling for newspapers & magazines.