Teenager Seeks Advice on Mountain Biking After Losing Passion for Commencal & Transition Bikes

captinprocat · Oct 9, 2015

TLDR WARNING JUST TURN AWAY IF ITS A ISSUE:
Okay i know this is isnt really under the right thread but i couldnt figure out what to post it under really.
Im 15 and i have been mountain biking since i was around 5 with my dad until my dad died of prostate cancer when i was 9.

My mum had been affected more than all of us and was protective with everything she felt that it was her fault why i have no clue keep in mind i have the highest and utmost respect for my mother.

So due to this change in her she dosent want me doing Mountain biking anymore my passoin and my hobby i have nothing else i dont play games i dont socailse well at all.

I know i sound ungratfull i am fed waterd i know how fortunate i am i dont meen to come across that way however i based my life around this sport and it has now been taken from me.

Since i was ten i worked at carwashes and pet care bike maintence and graphics work and stuff like that.

Thats how i saved for my bikes (sold and got a new one recently

my parents gived me as much as i could ask for a home and water/food.

But now i have nothing to do with them i dont want to sell them my bikes are almost atatched to me through my personality and body.

So i know i cant make my mother do anything how can i possibily convince her i know my ability have good protective gear she knows this though and im pretty sure this isnt the issue and i honestly dont understand it.

So to highlight my questoin How can i convince her? its been a good two months now i dont get it she knows im safe and she knows driving can be just as god dam dangours i dont get it i know this is a mtb fourm and not a family therapy website Lol but i am going on this as i know there are possoinate mountian bikers who can help me get through this or solve the problem mainly the first one as my mum is the most stubbern person i know.

My Bikes Hardtail:Upgraded Commencal Hardtail Full Sus:Transition Patrol
Any Help Would Be Insanly aprecaited Sincerley a passoinate Teenage Rider :madmax:

New Guy · Oct 9, 2015

Exactly what kind of help are you looking for? You didn't really ask for help in your post. Those are some very nice bikes for a 15 year old though! I'm sure the moderators will move this thread as it doesn't really fit here, but not exactly sure where it does fit.

captinprocat · Oct 9, 2015

New Guy said:
Exactly what kind of help are you looking for? You didn't really ask for help in your post. Those are some very nice bikes for a 15 year old though! I'm sure the moderators will move this thread as it doesn't really fit here, but not exactly sure where it does fit.

Sorry it kind of sounded like a rehtoricle questoin apolgise
What i ment was when i said how can i convince her i should of used a questoin make or something i wille dit my post yea i think this fourm really needs some kind of help thread im sure there is something though and thanks those bikes took ages for me to get and i had some charitys and things to help me because of my dad and i am extremely gratfull but all that work to be taken away... God i dont know.

burbskate · Oct 9, 2015

Sorry for the loss of your dad. I can't imagine losing my dad so young.

You need to sit down with your mom and have a serious adult conversation about your love of riding. Find out what her concerns are and address them. Every parent wants their kid to be happy and safe. If you can convince her that you are taking every measure to be safe, then that should help reduce her concern. Either way, you might need to get some family counseling considering your horrible loss.

bogeydog · Oct 9, 2015

It's a long story to tell, but I grew up in a somewhat similar situation. My mother was overprotective because she didn't want to suffer another loss. Her fears exist and are inflated because of the severe loss of your father.

All I could do with my mother was keep talking to her. I got her involved in my sports and activities so she could see what wasn't happening and what was. Yes I got cuts and bruises. However perseverance eventually won. If I kept her in the dark, her fears would fill in the story h which was never good. Obviously she needs professional help as well.

Today I am tougher than ever, but find that the doubt and fear she had created a son that is tough as nails and never shys away or quits from anything. She passed away 25 years ago.

By no means cave to her or give up your passion. Be smarter than her, but compassionate.

NYrr496 · Oct 9, 2015

Remind your mom nicely that you're honoring your father's memory by carrying on the very same riding he taught you.

I ride with my son (he's ten. Started at 5 also) I hope in the future he remembers everything I teach him about riding and building bikes.
My wife was overprotective of her two kids when I met her. She tries to continue this with our son. It's a delicate balance of keeping some things from her and trying to teach her to lighten up.
Sorry about your dad. Good luck with your mom.

Oh yeah... If she starts cuttin' you some slack, don't get crazy. If you come back messed up, she'll just get worse.

goodmojo · Oct 9, 2015

Ask questions about what she is afraid of have her be very specific. Recognize and acknowledge her fear (do NOT tell her bad things wont happen, you cant guarantee it).

Ask her what dad would have wanted you to do, how did your dad live his life?

What else would she want you to do?
What things in life does she regret not doing?
What will happen when I turn 18 and Im an adult?
Should you live your whole life not doing risky things?

Women are emotional and just need to talk through their fears.

You will never persuade her, she can only persuade herself. Asking questions vs. Telling her the features and benefits of mountain biking will be much better.

Stay away from getting mad or telling her anything. Write the questions down before hand.

captinprocat · Oct 9, 2015

See i have done that and im pretty sure she knows i just dont understand its like everything that has the word dangour in it now if something were to happen she thinks its her fault i might need to apply for family counsiling for my mothers sake thanks dude
i just dont know now tbh.

burbskate said:
Sorry for the loss of your dad. I can't imagine losing my dad so young.

You need to sit down with your mom and have a serious adult conversation about your love of riding. Find out what her concerns are and address them. Every parent wants their kid to be happy and safe. If you can convince her that you are taking every measure to be safe, then that should help reduce her concern. Either way, you might need to get some family counseling considering your horrible loss.

captinprocat · Oct 9, 2015

Good advice i have broken bones and she didnt really care and scrapes wounds she didnt care she just sent me to hospital and smiled like its not safe however its not deathwish within my limits actually the times i got broken bones were when my bike frame of my hardtail snapped and weird **** like that in genrel i didnt really put myself near death at all. as she used to do cliff diving as a kid and as far as im aware hurt herself all the time but it seems since my dad died she kind of just dosent want anything that would remind her she is assocating my dads cancer with her i think but i wouldnt judge ovisouley im not pysic so i just dont know.

She is afraid to let me out of the house someitmes because feels that everything now is her fault and i dont really understand it but yea your right i cherish my dad in memory when i was actually riding trails i done with him it braught back good times like he wasnt deas to me and i need to try and make her get that.

So i could barley blame my mother being hit hard i just couldnt but i need to explain to her without making it to much about dad as that just upsets her.

Sorry for my spelling to much homework to get done just being quick here.

captinprocat · Oct 9, 2015

True I very rarley get messed up at all only time i broke stuff was when poeple at school found me and through bricks at me when i was on my bike then on my hardtail the frame just snapped clean in half mainly because i do dh on my hardtail (more dirt jump like or when i want someslifkcable fun my transtitoin dose proper dh and enduro emm thats thats the only times
However i cant promise anything with her thats the thing however your 100% i need to be carefull and take it easy its been a while anyway i dont know i will update if anything changes

captinprocat · Oct 10, 2015

Yea she wont change her mind.

Mentor · Oct 10, 2015

Don't sell your bikes. They are clearly your passion, and if you give them up you will regret it and eventually resent your mom for it.

As suggested by others above you need to sit down with your mom and have some adult conversations with her to understand her concerns. Don't argue with her or dismiss her feelings, whether her concerns are valid or not her feelings are real. One question I have that I might have missed in your message is why this is coming up now, 6 years after your dad's passing?

You can also take this opportunity to gently explain to her the reasons for your interest in the sport. Nothing will change quickly, you will need to be patient. Over time as she talks through these feelings with you her thoughts on this may change. I would suggest toning down the riding until you work through this to respect her wishes, but don't give up riding or your bikes permanently.

I am very sorry for your loss. I also lost my dad when I was young, younger than you so it was different, but I can understand in part the loss. Do you have anyone else in your life to act as an older male role model?

Teenager Seeks Advice on Mountain Biking After Losing Passion for Commencal & Transition Bikes

captinprocat

New Guy

captinprocat

burbskate

bogeydog

NYrr496

goodmojo

captinprocat

captinprocat

captinprocat

captinprocat

Mentor

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