Mountain Bike Reviews Forum banner
1 - 20 of 20 Posts

·
Don't worry, be happy!
Joined
·
8,141 Posts
time to dig this out....:D (complied in the WL circa 2005, omg has it been that long ago?)

You know you are a female mountain biker when....

when you have bike lube in your purse and tampons in your camel back

you have more bike socks than regular in your drawer.

You have more bike stuff than bras hanging on the clothes line....

You wear sports bras daily, and can't remember the last time you bought something at Victoria's Secret (which you may or may not have regretted during a recent date )

The above-mentioned date refers to you as his "sexy trail biker" instead of the usual "honeybun" or "sweetiepie."

You have to resist the temptation to buy little jerseys as baby gifts for friends (though t-shirts, helmets, and accessories for their first trike are fair game.)

You wonder if anything in your arsenal of power food helps with cramps (Endurox? PowerBars? Gatorade? Dammit!!!)

It occurs to you that the only two times you've ever gone for waxing were before week-long bike trips.

You can blow snot rockets with the best of em

when you're proud of all thoses bruises, chain ring tatoos and scrapes that cover your legs and other parts

..when your dining room is really the bike room.

...when you check the loacl weather for wind speed/direction to decide road or mtb.

...when you are putting away the laundry sports bras and bike socks go into the bike box, not the dresser.

...sock shopping involves looking for bike socks that won't clash with work slacks. Brown bikes sock are hard to find.


Instead of artificial flowers in a basket on the buffet, you have an arrangement of colorful water bottles.

You have one purse...and 4 Camelbacks.

You have more bike shoes than dress shoes, and more jerseys than dresses.

You preface a visit to any new doctor with the statement: "I am not a victim of domestic violence"

Or you get inordinately excited when the ER doc examining you after your latest crash confesses he's a mountain biker too and starts to compare scars.

All your vacations are planned around biking and bike destinations.

You have more bikes than all of your neighbors combined.

Your biking s.o. expresses pride when you can look at a new bike and immediately spot the new integrated disc brake adapter. And that you even know what a disc brake adapter is.

You choose your dog's breed based on whether it will make a good trail dog or not.

You have a four person family and there are over 25 bikes in the household.

You spend $15-20 on a good sports bra but wouldn't consider spending that much on a regular bra.

You have yet to find a "women's" deodorant that does any good on the trails.

your friends introduce you as "this is Mary. She's got balls!"

90% of your wardrobe contains lycra. Especially jeans, because you can't fit your quads into anything less than a size 12, but your waist is still a 6.

You LOVE porn. Bike porn, that is.

You meet a great guy who you have a ton in common with... including biking! When you ask what he rides, he says "a Devinci". When you ask which one, he doesn't know. It's blue, he says. What kind of drive train does it have? He doesn't know. But it's a mountain bike! You suddenly have somewhere you have to be.

You spend more than 10% of your annual income on new bike purchases, never mind getting to races, race entry fees, and food. All non-food purchases are equated to bikes. (I could go to dinner... or I could buy the Cannondale bunny socks...)

You eat four meals a day. So?

Chocolate flavoured GU (w/ real belgian chocolate) something you randomly crave....?

You break your children's school dress code by picking them up after riding in your bike shorts. I now take the time to change.

You no longer get funny looks from the other moms at your daughter's ballet class when you show up with a big bruise or scrape. They just look at you and say, "crash again?"

You have to move a Camelbak, helmet, and gloves before someone can sit in your car.

You offer to bring your tools to work and repair a colleague's bike during lunch time

You proudly wear your new Sidi Dragons to the mail box, and yes you do have one purse and 4 camelbaks...(love that one).

Your gyn laughs as she reads the little sayings on the bottom of your socks in the stirrups...

If you are out of chocolate, you always have a Belgian Chocolate Gu stuck in one of your camelbaks.

While driving you can never NOT look at the other car with a bike rack and bikes going by.

You know when you come into a little extra money and biking stuff comes immediately to mind(even though your underwear really needs to be replaced).

when you have a brand-new Tiffany bracelet that was a gift, but you get more excited over wearing the titanium spoke bracelet, and hope people comment on it.

when you cook dinner for your cousins, then bring it over by placing the food into a lasagna pan and lashing it to the rear rack with bungee cords.

while looking for a maid of honor dress, you gravitate towards a metallic light blue color that matches your Blur

you decide on a new ride, and put the old one up for sale. Under description (size, drive train, etc), you write "female ridden" and cackle maniacally remembering the trees you've crashed into, the helmets you've split, the stream crossings, the up-to-your-hubs-mud you rode through, the snow, the expression on the mechanic's face the last time you brought it in for a tuneup.

When you go to a baby shower that ends up in the basement looking at bikes...

When you don't bother going in the house to pee anymore?

When you stop using the vitamin E that the Dr. recommended on your scar 'cause you're afraid it's going away?

You know when the chiropractor starts asking, "Crash again?" when you go in for an appointment.

and......
You put on your mini skirt for a night out and find a presta valve adapter in the pocket.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
922 Posts
oh my! Thanks, I needed a little laugh.

I like the list so much I printed and hung it in my office.
 

·
Slothful dirt hippie
Joined
·
2,900 Posts
... when your 1yo kid points to any picture of any adult on a bike and yells "MOMMA!" :D

Kid is going to be 3 this September so she's gotten better at telling me apart from random guys/gals on a bike.. sort of....
 

·
Are we there yet?
Joined
·
794 Posts
Ack! I resemble those remarks!

As a huge dog lover I also have found poop bags in the most random places too.
 

·
feeling squirrelly
Joined
·
712 Posts
formica said:
You spend more than 10% of your annual income on new bike purchases.
Only 10%? :)

formica said:
While driving you can never NOT look at the other car with a bike rack and bikes going by.
I always look! And then wonder where they are going and if my bike is not with me I think, Lucky!!

formica said:
while looking for a maid of honor dress, you gravitate towards a metallic light blue color that matches your Blur.
I have had my toenails painted to match a bike before...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
192 Posts
Here are a couple that come to mind. Hope you like them.

When your sisters-in-laws have brand-new mother’s rings for Christmas but you’re just as excited over your 3 new aluminum rings…that came with your new crankset. They look at you like you've lost your mind.

When you’re irritated about the gall of the extended family to expect you at get togethers on Saturday or Sunday afternoons.

When you finally show up at a happy hour with co-workers and sit sipping cola, calculating the amount of daylight left and wondering how much longer before you can cut out and go riding.

When you cut back partying on the weekends because you have ride plans the next morning.

Dinner time is somewhere between 9:00 and 10:00 pm after your ride.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
166 Posts
Adding:

  • You separate sports bras by:
    1. riding
    2. gym
    3. work
    4. other
  • You pick your chiropractor because they are another rider so they "understand."
  • Your last birthday "celebration" was scheduled around when you would be riding.
  • 90% of your birthday gifts have something to do with riding.
  • Your drive home (from work) is determined by which trail you want to ride.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
52 Posts
You are pleased you are getting so much better at falling :)

I used to try and grab my bike and "save it" which resulted in a lot of bruises on my thighs, now I can kind of spring away from it so if I have a little fall I don't get any bruises, I am genuinely pleased that I am getting better at falling.

Your idea of what is a reasonable amount to spend on a bike rises every year until it is more than you would spend on a car.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
63 Posts
I would add:

-You are more concerned with the hot bike that just went by then the hot biker on it.

-Your husband has tampons in his Camelbak too! Just in case you run out or forgot. (This is true, and he later informed me that they also work wonders on nosebleeds, a hint from his high school wrestling years!)

-You and your SO rent a 2bdrm apartment so your bikes can have a room of their own

-Your favorite shows/movies are The Collective, Seasons and the New World Disorder series.

-You'll fork over $10 for an MBUK, but think all the "women's magazines" are way too overpriced.
 

·
I like mtn biking, too
Joined
·
3,261 Posts
You pump tires, grease chains, and put both bikes on top of the car because your husband is taking forever to get ready for the ride. :D
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7 Posts
shredchic said:
You pump tires, grease chains, and put both bikes on top of the car because your husband is taking forever to get ready for the ride. :D
soo true... my SO takes longer to get ready for a ride than i take getting ready for a night out!
 

·
I like mtn biking, too
Joined
·
3,261 Posts
Oh yeah, and...

You can pee outside without T.P. comfortably - and love it.
 

·
Seeker of Dirt
Joined
·
100 Posts
...you strap a 20" box fan to the top of your 3 yr old's bike trailer on your commute home, so you don't have to hassle with driving the car later that night.
 
1 - 20 of 20 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top