[Homer Simpson]

So I'm out riding yesterday, Sunday, and riding in an area I've not ridden in a while. I see a building I don't remember, decide to take a look. Riding around a tree and woosh, slide out in some leaves. As I crashes, the H-bar hits me family jewels not once but twice. Owwww, shezbott, I'm pissed, toss bike off me, cuss bike and myself. Get up, look down and...Holy Guakemoly, my right family jewel is looking back up at me through a hole I've now got in my shorts. And this ain't a little hole. I think ships have sunk with smaller holes than this. I think, even with all the crashesand broken bones I've had riding, this is the worst I've ever felt on a bike. Found a bathroom close, stuffed toilet paper in shorts to hide jewels from view, and ride least used trail back to truck. But the toilet paper kept falling out the hole. Kept stopping and re-TPing my self to hide the ole privates from view. That damn bike just kept laughing at me all the way back to the truck. Only saving thing was I was not that far from my truck. The only moral I can think of is always ride with duct tape.

 

[kpicha]

ROFL! That's a classic! I'm glad I don't have to worry about that! I hope you're feeling better today.

 

[TNC]

Well, I've heard duct tape called 200mph tape, but...

So I'm out riding yesterday, Sunday, and riding in an area I've not ridden in a while. I see a building I don't remember, decide to take a look. Riding around a tree and woosh, slide out in some leaves. As I crashes, the H-bar hits me family jewels not once but twice. Owwww, shezbott, I'm pissed, toss bike off me, cuss bike and myself. Get up, look down and...Holy Guakemoly, my right family jewel is looking back up at me through a hole I've now got in my shorts. And this ain't a little hole. I think ships have sunk with smaller holes than this. I think, even with all the crashesand broken bones I've had riding, this is the worst I've ever felt on a bike. Found a bathroom close, stuffed toilet paper in shorts to hide jewels from view, and ride least used trail back to truck. But the toilet paper kept falling out the hole. Kept stopping and re-TPing my self to hide the ole privates from view. That damn bike just kept laughing at me all the way back to the truck. Only saving thing was I was not that far from my truck. The only moral I can think of is always ride with duct tape.

Yeah, the NASCAR boys use it a lot to tape up busted bodywork, but their definition of "bodywork" and yours may vary. Plus, can you imagine getting some of those "short hairs" stuck to the tape when you're trying to remove it later at home?...Oooouuuchhh!

 

[mbmojo]

You serious? You really can hold in the family jewels with just toilet paper?

 

[Homer Simpson]

Better now

Can't hold in jewels with TP, just camoflauge them some. Definte lack of support, most uncomfortable bouncy feeling during last part of ride. Nice and cool though, although I don't recommend this type of air conditioning while riding.

It makes me ROFL to think about this now that I'm safely covered. HAHAHAHAHAHA.

 

[uofabill]

Dang Homer..

how 'bout turning yer shorts around backwards. Maybe a moon over the trail is better than the huevos swingin' free!

 

[bricklin69]

Ouiiich!!!!

Did you have bar ends?

I have a long piece of duct tape wraped around my seat post just above the lowest setting that I use. It is always there and never in the way. I do the same on my ski poles.

You could have turned your shorts backwards for the return ride? no? lol

Pete

 

[SuperNewb]

Theres this plant that wouldve worked wonders for a situation like that. Looks for the 3 leaves green plant and shove some down there...

 

[SuperNewb]

Yeah, the NASCAR boys use it a lot to tape up busted bodywork, but their definition of "bodywork" and yours may vary. Plus, can you imagine getting some of those "short hairs" stuck to the tape when you're trying to remove it later at home?...Oooouuuchhh!

I seen that done to a car the other day. The guys front right corner was covered in red duct tape. Driving along the highway too.

 

[mbmojo]

Now duct tape! Dang this is getting getting funny. Imagine the damage by putting the sticky side in - well, at least whey you'd try to pull off the tape!*


*excepting that cheap no-stick crap I got at Walmart.

 

[dissonance]

Theres this plant that wouldve worked wonders for a situation like that. Looks for the 3 leaves green plant and shove some down there...

Hehe yeah I also recommend that. The leaves make a T shape.