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Afric Pepperbird
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OK, I'm sure this will soon be shooed away to the recycle bin, but what's your favorite George Carlin joke, one liner, gag, etc.?

I have so many fond memories of him, he was a true legend. It's hard for me to choose just one, but I have to start somewhere. How about...

"Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck."
 

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6 Posts
R.I.P., Hippy Dippy Weather Man

I'm aware some stare at my hair.
In fact, to be fair,
Some really despair of my hair.
But I don't care,
Cause they're not aware,
Nor are they debonair.
In fact, they're just square.

They see hair down to there,
Say, "Beware" and go off on a tear!
I say, "No fair!"
A head that's bare is really nowhere.
So be like a bear, be fair with your hair!
Show it you care.
Wear it to there.
Or to there.
Or to there, if you dare!

My wife bought some hair at a fair, to use as a spare.
Did I care?
Au contraire!
Spare hair is fair!
In fact, hair can be rare.
Fred Astaire got no hair,
Nor does a chair,
Nor nor a chocolate eclair,
And where is the hair on a pear?
Nowhere, mon frere!

So now that I've shared this affair of the hair,
I'm going to repair to my lair and use Nair, do you care?

(Beard Poem)

Here's my beard.
Ain't it weird?
Don't be sceered,
Just a beard
-George Carlin
 

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Big Boned
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1,535 Posts
I'm not certain it was a joke exactly, but the story he told about how his dog Moe would mount his cat, Vern, and hump like there was no tomorrow -- and this cat would just sit there and tolerate it, basically figuring any action was better than no action at all.

So sometimes Moe would really get going, and he would actually hump his way up onto the Vern's back, and Moe would hang off the cat with his back legs in the air, humping and humping... Just the way he described the scene -- "And now Moe's airborne on Vern!" Priceless.

But the kicker is, he snapped a picture of Moe humping Vern and put it on his Christmas cards. And when he walked off stage after telling this story, the picture was projected onto a big screen. So funny.

What a bummer. He was great, once. He'd really gone off the deep end in the past few years, crossing that line from curmudgeon to kook a little. He also got less and less creative with his profanities. I'm all for a good blue streak, and he was once an artist with the language, but his last HBO special was difficult to watch.

But still, he used to be just painfully funny. I still have a video tape of Carlin On Campus somewhere, I should bust that out...
 

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I'm SUCH a square....
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1,987 Posts
George Carlin turned me on to real comedy; btw, marbledave -- PERFECT! I REMEMBER THAT SO WELL!

Other than the 7 Dirty Words, there were multiples of The News.

The best for me, though, was the Health Crisis Sweepstakes -- between himself and Richard Pryor -- "...first, Richard had a heart attack, then I had a heart attack. Then Richard set himself on fire, and I said, 'F*&^ that, I'll have another heart attack.' "
 

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3,744 Posts
You know he narrated a bunch of "Thomas the Tank Engine" videos. He's the last person you'd expect to hear on a show made for toddlers.
 

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The Sentinel
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530 Posts
Here's mine..appropriate, nowadays

Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

dirt farmer said:
OK, I'm sure this will soon be shooed away to the recycle bin, but what's your favorite George Carlin joke, one liner, gag, etc.?
 

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418 Posts
.........

1: Being pulled over by the Po Po. It went something like this: "Hey, don't I pay your salary??? Get me a glass of water!!!! And quick cause I've gotta trunk load of heroin to deliver!!''

2: Oh and this one on Saab owners: "we bought a Saab!! Oh yeah we bought a Saab!!! '' and then the comeback. '' oh yeah? whadya go and buy a Swedish piece
a sh!t like that for?''

r.i.p. George
 

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life is a barrel o'fun
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2,502 Posts
It's not really nice of people to pray to God on Sunday........his day off. I need a favor, hey it's God's day off, so he's at home now. Let's go to his house and ask him for stuff!

When you're driving, don't you wish you had a *message board*? Then you could type what you think to other drivers. 'You drive like old people f**k." Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anybody going faster is a MANIAC!!!! Nobody is driving MY speed.
 
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