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As I’m writing this it’s Thursday 5th March 2020. I’m thinking of doing the Dalby red route but I’m not doing the two hour drive over there if it’s washed out with the bad weather. Has anyone done it lately to give me a clue?
 

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Fart smeller
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No idea where that might be.

Why don't you ask in the correct regional forum? And maybe give a clue where it might be?
 

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High Desert MTBer
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I used to ride in Dalby all the time Finch... it's in N Yorkshire UK... beautiful place, but when it's wet, (99% of the time), it's not fun...
 

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Doesn't the post read like an old-time expedition journal entry?

As I’m writing this it’s Thursday 5th March 2020. I’m thinking of doing the Dalby red route but I’m not doing the two hour drive over there if it’s washed out with the bad weather. Has anyone done it lately to give me a clue? Half of my officers have succumbed to the cholera, and Lieutenant Charbonneau was killed by natives...
 

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High Desert MTBer
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Doesn't the post read like an old-time expedition journal entry?

As I’m writing this it’s Thursday 5th March 2020. I’m thinking of doing the Dalby red route but I’m not doing the two hour drive over there if it’s washed out with the bad weather. Has anyone done it lately to give me a clue? Half of my officers have succumbed to the cholera, and Lieutenant Charbonneau was killed by natives...
Do you still have Charbonneau's corpse? If so, cut him up, lay him out in the sun to dry and keep him for emergency rations. Not a lot of food supplies available in Dalby ya know...
 

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Do you still have Charbonneau's corpse? If so, cut him up, lay him out in the sun to dry and keep him for emergency rations. Not a lot of food supplies available in Dalby ya know...
"Some of the enlisted men fancied turning Charbonneau's hide into a litter, but I forbade it as we mustn't give in to savagery."
 

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I'm pronouncing "Lieutenant" as "Left tenant" by the way. Left tenant Charbonneau.

Don't be a Charbonneau.
 

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since 4/10/2009
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OP is obviously brand new. Mods should transfer this post to the proper forum.
OP would probably have to respond with details about the location first.

Doesn't the post read like an old-time expedition journal entry?

As I’m writing this it’s Thursday 5th March 2020. I’m thinking of doing the Dalby red route but I’m not doing the two hour drive over there if it’s washed out with the bad weather. Has anyone done it lately to give me a clue? Half of my officers have succumbed to the cholera, and Lieutenant Charbonneau was killed by natives...
I do say, I believe the porters are in league with the natives to sabotage this expedition. Examples must be made.
 

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High Desert MTBer
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OP would probably have to respond with details about the location first.



I do say, I believe the porters are in league with the natives to sabotage this expedition. Examples must be made.
Eat the porters first...
 

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"One of our men, let's call him, 'Dave', is beginning to rile the moral of the rest of our team. On maneuvers, Dave is consistently falling behind and his attitude is such that we may need to rid ourselves of him on the final push to Dalby. God help us all."
 

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High Desert MTBer
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"One of our men, let's call him, 'Dave', is beginning to rile the moral of the rest of our team. On maneuvers, Dave is consistently falling behind and his attitude is such that we may need to rid ourselves of him on the final push to Dalby. God help us all."
I say! The only way to be rid of this person is to leave a very expensive velocipede out in the open with some tree sap smeared on it. When he touches the top tube, he is caught! Hoist by his own petard so to speak! Then you may of course dispose of him at will. I suggest a large pot with some alfalfa sprouts, concentrated essence of ant, and some yams for texture... simmer for at least 3 hours... mmmm! Long pork!
 

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Fart smeller
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How we feeling, Captain?

C: Not too good. I...I feel so weak.

2: We can't hold out much longer.

C: Listen... chaps... there's still a chance. I'm... done for, I've got a gammy leg and I'm going fast; I'll never get through. But some of you might. So... you'd better eat me.

?: Eat you, sir?

C: Yes. Eat me.

?: Iiuuhh! With a gammy leg?

C: You needn't eat the leg, Thompson. There's still plenty of good meat. Look at that arm.

5: It's not just the leg, sir.

C: What do you mean?

5: Well, sir... it's just that...

C: Why don't you want to eat me?

5: I'd rather eat Johnson, sir!

?: So would I, sir.

C: I see.

?: Then that's decided, everyone's gonna eat me!

?: Uh, well.

5: What, sir?

?: Go ahead, please, but I won't -

?: Oh nonsense, sir, you're starving. Tuck in!

1: No, no, it's not that.

?: What's the matter with Johnson, sir?

1: Well, he's not kosher.

5: That depends how we kill him, sir.

1: Yes, that's true. But to be perfectly frank I... I like my meat a little more lean. I'd rather eat Hodges.

?: Oh well, all right.

5: I still prefer Johnson.

C: I wish you'd all stop bickering and eat me.

1: Look. I tell you what. Those who want to can eat Johnson. And you, sir, can have my leg. And we make some stock from the Captain, and then we'll have Johnson cold for supper.

Crew: (cacophonous) Hmm, yes, good idea, excellent thinking, very good, I don't suppose we could have Hodges in the morning, jolly good idea.
 

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Fart smeller
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Doesn't the post read like an old-time expedition journal entry?

As I’m writing this it’s Thursday 5th March 2020. I’m thinking of doing the Dalby red route but I’m not doing the two hour drive over there if it’s washed out with the bad weather. Has anyone done it lately to give me a clue? Half of my officers have succumbed to the cholera, and Lieutenant Charbonneau was killed by natives...
Tried to give you rep, but I have to spread, first.
 
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High Desert MTBer
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Men, I say men! Gather round if you please, we have something not at all petty to discuss if you may. Thank you.
Now, we've almost completely run out of the Charbonneau, and because Smithers was a touch heavy handed with the essence of ant with Dave, we find ourselves almost entirely lacking in vittles. The porters spiked our guns before running away, so we also are unable to hunt for food. Would any of you have any good ideas for our extrication from this predicament?

Johnson: " We could always eat Thompson Sir... "
 

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since 4/10/2009
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Dearest Sarah,

Whilst our expedition has been fraught with obstacles since its start, I see reason for optimism. Our company were able to track the porters and use their own weapons against them. They have provided us with sustenance to begin the final push on the Dalby. Completing our objective will not be easy! Nay, half our supplies abandoned in the bush, and with naught but pointy sticks to obtain food, it is likely that not all of us will complete the journey. I pray the biggest challenges are behind us.

With Love,

Capt. William
 
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