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Warning; Because of Extreme violence, sexual themes and dental hygiene this post is rated M for Mature viewers and pre teens with Doom, Grand Theft Auto and Motocross Madness I, II and III experience.

The names of the participants have not been changed in order to embarrass and humiliate them

Fly the friendly skies

The day started innocently enough, a mile and half of nice tight single track to get the blood flowing. A gentle climb of about the half that length, a few miles of rolling hills then a steep switchback grind up to 'The Pit'. Me and my buds out for a nice Saturday ride. As usual Zoom was in the lead, showing off his 5 Spots climbing traits. Me, Mickey and the Kid trying to keep up on our Burners. After 45 min. of hard riding we arrived at 'The Pit'.

The Pit is an artifact; it is not a natural formation. It is a hole in the ground, about 30' in diameter, 10' to 12' deep, and perfectly circular. Tales abound as to its origin, the urban legend (or suburban in this case) is how couple of kids found a box of dynamite sticks and set them off accidentally, blasting themselves and the hole to bits one fine afternoon. Conspiracy theorist tell stories of an off course Military jet dropping a 500 lb bomb there. I prefer the meteorite story. Picture this; a chunk of extraterrestrial rock the size of a football comes screaming down out of the sky and slams into mother earth at 17000 mph, instantly vaporizing the hole in one glorious fireball, all for our riding enjoyment. Now that's karma.

Riding in and around the pit is a favorite pastime of all who ride here. There is an eroded notch in one side where you can ride in and out of, mostly though it's for exiting, as dropping in is the preferred entrance. One trick is to come flying down the notch and try to ride the bank all the way around. No one has done it yet and we figure you would need to maintain about 30 mph to do it. Generally you drop in and go across the bottom and do a bermshot on the opposite bank, going higher and higher as you dare. There's a temptation to go straight across, up and over the top, but you would need a lot of speed and then there is the ledge. The ledge overhangs the pit about 6" and has stopped most from trying. I saw one guy starting out intending to do it only to chicken out just at the lip. He rode back down backwards quite stylishly for a few seconds until he got confused, hit the rear brake and flipped, again quite stylishly.

Now Zoom will try anything and on that day he announced his intentions to the world by giving a loud whoop and dropping in more with speed than I would have thought possible without taking any air. There was a silence as all you could hear was the sound of Zoom pedaling furiously across the bottom. I made a mental note to have the paramedics drive up the Old Mill jeep trail and save us lot of needless carrying. Then as he started the rollup at the bottom I saw that he might just have escape velocity. As he neared the top I saw what he was trying to do, and he recounted to me later that his plan was to pull up on the bars and miss the lip, which he did, then push back down to go over, which he didn't. What he didn't plan on was his rear tire hitting a rock at the same time effectively pushing him away from the edge entirely. Have you ever seen the Nike commercial with Michael Jordan flying from the foul line and dunking, remember where he seems to hang in mid air for a long moment. So here's Zoom doing his best MJ imitation about 8' above the lip hanging for what seemed to be many seconds, Only after starting to go into his signature cross up he reserves for his very best jumps did he realize that things haven't gone quite as planned. I have to give him credit though he never gave up. He already had the bike crossed a little so it looked as though he was trying to complete the turn and go back down like a BMXer on a half pipe. Despite his heroic efforts against it, the persistent pull of gravity got the upper hand and smote (is it smite or smote?) him down. His front wheel impacted the lip so violently that I thought the fork might snap off, and it sent him and the bike tumbling the remaining 12' into a crumpled mess at the bottom. I made a second mental note to ask for a helicopter Medivac unit. Out of the settling dust comes this roaring laughter, and Zoom yelling, " That was so cool!, That was so great!!"

We got down to him and started to survey the carnage. Specifically I was looking for bits of bone sticking out, limbs at weird angles, impaled body parts, dilated pupils, you know, the usual. Surprisingly he looked fine. After much poking and prodding, waving fingers around, asking him questions that even we didn't know the answers to we determined that even though he was totally nuts, he wasn't concussed or bleeding internally, so we let him get up. The bike came out slightly worse. A severely tacoed front wheel, bent handlebars, and a bent RD hanger were the main problem areas. We bent the wheel back into some semblance of roundness (silently thanking the mechanical gods for disc brakes) and followed him down the bail out jeep trail back to the trucks to end another typical ride.

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