Trail sanitizers need F.O.A.D.!!:madmax:
The Legend of the Nightranger and the Tale of Rocky(t) Ridge
After the Great Pumpkin has come and gone, my children, but well before Saint Nicolas has made his yearly appearance, charging so boldly through the night with his gifts and reindeer, is the best season to look for the advent of The Nightranger.
Indeed, The Nightranger may in fact appear at any time, but he always only visits trails that have been "bad" all year, most often on cold nights, when all is dark and abandoned and the cloak of night is best able to hide him. Between the cycles of the full moon (for too many moon-lumens make his goggles useless) he reworks the trails, not to make them stable, but to make them smooth and without impediment lest a toe be dabbed or a pedal struck.
If you make prayerful appeals to the Nightranger, either in person or via other means, and in so doing attempt to ask him to stop, or attempt to persuade him with a well-reasoned rationale as to why he should, he will surely defy you. If you leave him your anonymous burnt offerings trailside in hopes that your gifts will compel him to move on, he will only despise you more.
You must remember,children: The Nightranger hates you. He hates your elitist attitude. You may say you love a challenge, the chance to practice and improve, but only The Nightranger truly understands: smoother trails will ultimately improve you as an individual despite your intractable attitude which, in its futility, attempts to insist that the truth is otherwise.
And so was Rocky Ridge, upon who's tangled turns and pebbled path was many a mountain biker trained, at long last redone, remade, reworked by The Nightranger, into a simple, buff'd, foresty path free of obstacle, relieved of challenge. And thus was it renamed: Rockyt Ridge: the Ridge of the Rocket! Henceforth no longer a trail worthy of challenging anyone, but instead a trail to be ridden without effort by all.
All credit to The Nightranger!
Indeed, The Nightranger may in fact appear at any time, but he always only visits trails that have been "bad" all year, most often on cold nights, when all is dark and abandoned and the cloak of night is best able to hide him. Between the cycles of the full moon (for too many moon-lumens make his goggles useless) he reworks the trails, not to make them stable, but to make them smooth and without impediment lest a toe be dabbed or a pedal struck.
If you make prayerful appeals to the Nightranger, either in person or via other means, and in so doing attempt to ask him to stop, or attempt to persuade him with a well-reasoned rationale as to why he should, he will surely defy you. If you leave him your anonymous burnt offerings trailside in hopes that your gifts will compel him to move on, he will only despise you more.
You must remember,children: The Nightranger hates you. He hates your elitist attitude. You may say you love a challenge, the chance to practice and improve, but only The Nightranger truly understands: smoother trails will ultimately improve you as an individual despite your intractable attitude which, in its futility, attempts to insist that the truth is otherwise.
And so was Rocky Ridge, upon who's tangled turns and pebbled path was many a mountain biker trained, at long last redone, remade, reworked by The Nightranger, into a simple, buff'd, foresty path free of obstacle, relieved of challenge. And thus was it renamed: Rockyt Ridge: the Ridge of the Rocket! Henceforth no longer a trail worthy of challenging anyone, but instead a trail to be ridden without effort by all.
All credit to The Nightranger!
Attachments
1 - 20 of 50 Posts
Nightranger? Dudes I love that band!
A special thanks to Prince Humperdink (Rocky Chrysler) for furthering the legend of Dread Pirate Roberts (Nightranger). The minions working on dozens of trails appreciate the cover fire. Nightranger has agreed to take credit for any and all work done so others can benefit and his legendary status is enhanced.
"I'll explain and I'll use small words that you'll be sure to understand you warthog faced buffoon." The Dread Pirate Roberts is a little less than polite to the cowardly Prince Humperdinck.
Westley: Roberts had grown so rich, he wanted to retire. He took me to his cabin and he told me his secret. 'I am not the Dread Pirate Roberts' he said. 'My name is Ryan; I inherited the ship from the previous Dread Pirate Roberts, just as you will inherit it from me. The man I inherited it from is not the real Dread Pirate Roberts either. His name was Cummerbund. The real Roberts has been retired 15 years and living like a king in Patagonia.'
"I'll explain and I'll use small words that you'll be sure to understand you warthog faced buffoon." The Dread Pirate Roberts is a little less than polite to the cowardly Prince Humperdinck.
Westley: Roberts had grown so rich, he wanted to retire. He took me to his cabin and he told me his secret. 'I am not the Dread Pirate Roberts' he said. 'My name is Ryan; I inherited the ship from the previous Dread Pirate Roberts, just as you will inherit it from me. The man I inherited it from is not the real Dread Pirate Roberts either. His name was Cummerbund. The real Roberts has been retired 15 years and living like a king in Patagonia.'
Attachments
1 - 20 of 50 Posts
