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Glad to Be Alive
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How do you get to read a bunch of crappy jokes?
Join MTBR...
mine are not bad

John is mowing his lawn when he sees a new neighbor moving in. He stops and steps to the fence to see what the new neighbor is like. After calling him over, the new neighbor, Bob, tells says that he is a Professor of Deductive Reasoning at the college.

John- Deductive Reasoning? What's that?

Bob- Well, lemme give you an example. I see you have a doghouse. That leads me to believe you have a dog. If you have a dog, perhaps you have children. If you have children, then I would deduce that you have a wife. By having a wife, you are enforcing that you are a heterosexual.

John- That's pretty neat!

They part ways and John goes to talk to another neighbor, Jerry, who is watching the move.

Jerry- New neighbor, huh? What's he do?

John- He's a Professor of Deductive Reasoning at the college.

Jerry- Deductive Reasoning? What's that?

John- Lemme give you an example. Do you have a dog?

Jerry- No

John- ****!
 

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1,230 Posts
hahhhhahahaha roflmfao

thats hilarious
 

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Meh.
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17,508 Posts
SHIVER ME TIMBERS said:
mine are not bad

John is mowing his lawn when he sees a new neighbor moving in. He stops and steps to the fence to see what the new neighbor is like. After calling him over, the new neighbor, Bob, tells says that he is a Professor of Deductive Reasoning at the college.

John- Deductive Reasoning? What's that?

Bob- Well, lemme give you an example. I see you have a doghouse. That leads me to believe you have a dog. If you have a dog, perhaps you have children. If you have children, then I would deduce that you have a wife. By having a wife, you are enforcing that you are a heterosexual.

John- That's pretty neat!

They part ways and John goes to talk to another neighbor, Jerry, who is watching the move.

Jerry- New neighbor, huh? What's he do?

John- He's a Professor of Deductive Reasoning at the college.

Jerry- Deductive Reasoning? What's that?

John- Lemme give you an example. Do you have a dog?

Jerry- No

John- ****!
AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 

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Glad to Be Alive
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A married couple is lying in bed one night. The wife is curled up, ready to go to sleep, and the husband turns his bed lamp on to read a book.

As he's reading, he periodically reaches over to his wife and fondles her special area.

He does this a few times, but only for a very short interval before returning to read his book.

The wife gradually becomes more and more aroused assuming that her husband is seeking some encouragement she get up and starts stripping in front of him.

The husband is confused and asks, "Why are you taking off your clothes?"

His wife replies, "You were rubbing me downtown. I thought it was foreplay,"

The husband says, "No, not at all.

His wife asks angrily, "Well, what the hell were you doing then!!"?

I was just wetting my fingers so I could turn the pages in my book.
 

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Glad to Be Alive
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Three men die and go to heaven. When they get to the pearly
gates, St. Peter asks them each one question: "How many times
have you cheated on your wife?"

The first one answers "Never!" St. Peter checks the books,
discovers the man is correct and gives him a Rolls-Royce to
drive during his stay in heaven.

The second man answers "Oh, about 25-30 times." He is given a
Ford Pinto and sent on his way.

The third man answers "Maybe 400-500 times" and is assigned a
bicycle. A few months later, the three meet up and the Pinto
driver, and the bicycle rider notice the Rolls-Royce man has a
long drawn-out sad look on his face. Puzzled, the other two
query him as to "why the sad face?".

Mr. Rolls just looked at them and said, "I just saw my wife,
she was on a skateboard!"
 

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SHIVER ME TIMBERS said:
Three men die and go to heaven. When they get to the pearly
gates, St. Peter asks them each one question: "How many times
have you cheated on your wife?"

The first one answers "Never!" St. Peter checks the books,
discovers the man is correct and gives him a Rolls-Royce to
drive during his stay in heaven.

The second man answers "Oh, about 25-30 times." He is given a
Ford Pinto and sent on his way.

The third man answers "Maybe 400-500 times" and is assigned a
bicycle. A few months later, the three meet up and the Pinto
driver, and the bicycle rider notice the Rolls-Royce man has a
long drawn-out sad look on his face. Puzzled, the other two
query him as to "why the sad face?".

Mr. Rolls just looked at them and said, "I just saw my wife,
she was on a skateboard!"
HAHAHAHA oh man that one was good.
 

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1,275 Posts
I wanna play :D

Pfizer Corp is making the announcement today that VIAGRA will soon be available in liquid form and will be marketed by Pepsi Cola as a power beverage suitable for use "as is," or as a mixer.

Pepsi's proposed ad campaign claims: "It will now be possible for a man to literally pour himself a stiff one."

Obviously we can no longer call this a "soft drink." This additive gives new meaning to the names of cocktails, highballs and just a good old-fashioned stiff drink.

Pepsi will market the new concoction by the name of "Mount And Do."




If this is to offensive just delete it!
 
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