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Sad Passion

3K views 36 replies 27 participants last post by  phoenixnr 
#1 · (Edited)
I've just got home after a very strange afternoon followed by a 4 hour drive (it's 00.50 here).

I went to some new trails today with a couple of friends, one of who'd been several times. Quite demanding XC/AM with fantastic rock gardens and lots of other technical bits to keep a rider alert....

Anyway, during the ride it became very clear to me that I've lost some of the 'bottle' (bravery) that I used to have and aged 47 I've slowed down on the technical sections. It was wet today and a little slippery and I fell off on the first rock garden. The only reason it happened was due to lack of speed and too much thought. I climbed off the bike and walked it down the next two and felt a little ashamed of myself but I just lacked confidence, which was a new and unpleasant feeling for me. I've never been ashamed to admit when I'm scared, and the man who says he's never afraid is either certifiably insane, or a fool. Anyway, it came as a bit of a rude awakening and, for some reason, I felt I wanted to share my disappointment in myself!!

Later in the ride we had to make a detour due to logging activity and this meant heading down a steep logging track with a broken surface of small rocks and peat..... We all set off down together, me in front and it was a great descent although I started to feather the brakes at 28mph (so the Garmin has just told me). My pal came past me as if I was stationary and turned into a gentle right hander which pushed his front tyre and he ran wide into the bend and straight into a deep rutted edge, made worse by recent prolonged and heavy rain.

Anyway, he came off heavily, a really nasty crash that left him motionless initially. I stopped with him and our other pal went back up the fire track to slow other riders coming down. My first aid kit was really useful (it sits there for months just taking up space and gathering dust but we needed it today) I did the basic checks to make sure he was compus mentus and cleaned up a bad gash to his scalp which covered what looked to be a compression fracture.

Another rider stopped (thanks Phil Jones) who had local knowledge and talked an ambulance into us. Anyway, my buddy looks as if he's also fractured his sternum and a vertibrae in his neck and is now faced with a stretch in hospital.

I'm waffling a bit, very tired and a bit low. Strange day today, a definite passion but tinged with some sadness.

Ride safe, don't go without a first aid kit and always wear a helmet. It almost certainly saved my friend's life today.
 
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#2 ·
Wow, sorry to hear about your friend, but he's lucky you were there. I hope he makes a full recovery.
I know what you mean about not being as daring as we used to be, but after some bad crashes, some that led to surgical repairs and long recoveries, I've come to the conclusion that there's no shame in slowing down and/or walking a sketchy section if it means that you'll be in good enough shape to ride the next day. I don't bounce when I hit the ground anymore, just splat and sometimes break, so I try to avoid doing that, even if it means I don't ride some of my favorite trails as much. I figure I'd rather accept some riding limitations and enjoy other parts of life than to go through some of the medical crap again.
Don't kick yourself for getting older, pat yourself on the back for getting wiser.
Besides, there's only one alternative to aging.
 
#4 ·
Hoping for a speedy recovery for your friend. I have also learned
after many crashes and surgical procedures due to poor riding
decisions its better to live to ride another day.

This year I am learning how many more miles of riding
one can accomplish when not broken and repaired.

It has been hard to walk on sections I have cleared before or
a place I think I could be successful on clearing.

The best feeling is typing this and knowing I can ride tomorrow.

Good luck and stay healthy
 
#5 ·
Another voice hoping your friend makes a quick and complete recovery.

I am also 47. I don't know how it happened. I just woke up one day and found myself closer to 50 than 40. Cool thing about it though, it doesn't mean a thing. I still feel great, still love to ride, have an awesome little granddaughter and if anything I am a little wiser and know my limits a little better.

All that aside, I can identify with what you are saying. Don't read too much into it. Some days your rhythm is just off and things don't feel right. The next time you go out everything may be good as ever. Regardless, there is no shame in walking once in a while.

Like others have said, one of the things I too have figured out is that I don't bounce as good as I used to and I don't heal up as fast. I do like to believe that I am at least a little smarter than I used to be.:thumbsup:
 
#6 ·
I was thinking of inspirational words to share as I started to read your post. The best I could come up with is ride your own pace and it takes more of a man to walk (act human or project vulnerability) than to not.

I know I take far fewer risks now but I'm at peace with that. I wish your buddy a speedy recovery, though. Nasty crashes are scaring (mentally or physically).
 
#8 ·
Hope your friend has a full recovery.

Speaking as a fellow old guy (just turned 49), I can relate to your quandary. I had two bad falls last summer that really shook me up. One was a 25mph get-off that broke two fingers and left my whole right side with severe "road rash". While still bandaged up, I tried to ride two weeks later. I ended up crashing that day, as well, and reopened the wound that I received a couple of weeks earlier. I've never felt so out-of-touch with the bike.

It took me a long time to get my "mojo" back, in fact, this summer is the first time I've felt "one with the bike" in a long time. Had that crash been 15 years ago, I would have simply got up, dusted myself off (mentally) and thought no more of it. Not these days. I've reevaluated what I consider "fast" and "daring". While I'm no slouch as a bike handler, I've considered that there's more to being fast than going downhill. I've focused much more on my fitness and my climbing prowess. No big drops, no big jumps.

I think there's a switch in your mind that turns off your common sense. I think as you grow older, that switch is harder to override. I look at this as a good thing. Our bodies don't heal as easily as they used to. Back in the early spring, I had 5 of my (older) cycling friends (two roadies) sitting out with cycling-related injuries. They ranged from broken collar bones to broken backs. This was a wake-up call for me. While I like to go fast, I also like being healthy. I'd rather be riding my bike, than riding the couch anytime.
 
#10 ·
All you young whippersnappers! I'll echo what ric426 stated. I'm 53 and just starting to lean how to handle cactus lined rock gardens. There have been quite a few that I have chosen to walk down rather than bounce down bikeless. I recognize that I don't quite have all the necessary skills let alone the confidence. You provided a good tip regarding speed through the rock gardens. That is likely one of my problems. Many good thoughts out for a speedy recovery to your friend. I'm sure he is glad you were there!
 
#11 ·
Thanks one and all for your good thoughts, they helped pick me up a bit when I read them....

Positive news about my pal too; whilst he has fractured C4 and broken his sternum and collar bone the hospital think he's caused no lasting damage and his neck injury should have no legacy. I'm mightily relieved.

The news was slightly diluted by my wife telling me when I got home that she's taking the two boys and leaving me (not a joke), so not the best end to the week. One thing is for sure; I'm going bike riding tomorrow!!

As someone once said, "If it wasn't for my bad luck I'd have fcuk all!!!"

Thanks again for the kind words........
 
#17 ·
Hey, I'm 47 too!

And slower than ever going down trails. I'm not only less strong and quick, I'm also twice as careful.

But I'm climbing almost as good as 15 years ago.

All this would bum me out, except for the fact that I'm loving life and riding more than ever!

Keep it up--if we can dodge injury and illness, we'll have many years to go before we have to buy a road bike.....
 
#21 ·
if we can dodge injury and illness, we'll have many years to go before we have to buy a road bike.....
Actually, I had the opposite happen. I crashed bad on my mountain bike about 2 1/2 years ago and injured my neck. That lead to a herniated disk, lots of pain and eventually surgery. I figured I was done mountain biking and even sold a really nice Santa Cruz. After recovery and rehab I started road riding again and quickly discovered that road riding longer than 1/2 hour bothered my neck. Got out an old mountain bike and discovered I could still ride the trails without pain. Go figure...
 
#18 ·
Good news about your buddy....hope he heals up completely and quickly. Sorry about your situation...
I jsut turned 50 a month ago and like you am much slower on the downhills than I used to be (faster going up though)
I crashed on my roadbike last year and being off the bike for 6 weeks about killed me. It's just not worth it to risk time off the bike. I'd rather be safe and walk the sketchy stuff...
 
#19 ·
Welcome to the real world of getting older and smarter :D Realising that we don't heal up as fast as we used to and we break a little easier, so take it a little easier and don't get broken. Glad your friend will be OK, but hopefully he's learned some of what you seem to have and takes it a bit easier next time so he doesn't get himself laid up again. I'm not for the fast anymore, I enjoy it, but at MY own "fast" pace and while it may not be as fast as other I ride with, I haven't taken a fall like many of them have and injured myself and keep on riding. I much prefer the slow and technical and on that, that's where I drop alot of those fast guys.
 
#20 ·
this thread almost makes me happy that I didn't START mountain bike riding until last year. I'm 52 and I'm faster now than ever! It's all relative of course, last year I was super-slow, now I'm just slow. I've always had the "fear of death" switch, even when I was younger I was semi-cautious. I've never been an extreme anything. I have fun riding without doing jumps, drops and nonsense. I'm glad there are those in the world who do such things but I'm happy not being one of them.
 
#22 ·
The only reason it happened was due to lack of speed and too much thought. I climbed off the bike and walked it down the next two and felt a little ashamed of myself but I just lacked confidence, which was a new and unpleasant feeling for me.
I am not sure exactly what you meant, but I have found the older I get, the more my thoughts get cluttered with real life issues (actually I have always had issues shutting down the mental chatter). As a result, I find it very difficult to completely break away mentally. So I use my ride time to think, and that usually means that I can't focus as much on technical sections, which means I slow down.

I have also wrecked enough, seen enough wrecks, and heard about too many wrecks not to know the full consequences. A friend the other day told me about a women who was just commuting and went over her handle bars and crushed her face and had to have tons of cosmetic surgery. She was wearing a helmet, but it obviously didn't have a full face shield. The next ride out, and I was moving along at a fair clip, and you know what image came to mind? That poor women's face. You just experience things over time that make you more cautious. And usually the older you get, the more there is at stake if something goes wrong.

Its not that I fear getting hurt, but I fear the time for recovery. When you are young, being hurt for 3 months or more is not such a big deal; you got time to burn. As you get older, months, days, hours, and minutes become more precious. So the thought of "losing time" is my most prevalent concern.
 
#23 ·
What I meant by too much thought was that riding for me has always been intuitive. I was coming up to the rock gardens scrubbing off too much speed because I was nervous and thinking about the best route down. That's a recipe to fall off in my opinion...... What I should have done was keep a little speed up and let the suspension see me down. Also, my eyes should have been scanning way ahead rather than staring down at the rocks.

Someone else on here said that the best way to ride into something is to keep looking at it! Very true though and I was riding like a twit and knew it....

Anyway, more important is that my pal is home and feeling okay. He has to wear a big neck brace thing for 6 weeks but no lasting damage and should be back in the saddle before too long.

Happy days, and thanks again for all the good thoughts......
 
#24 ·
Man this speaks to me a lot. Arizona can have some chunky areas and for years I thought little about going over them. Age and some new awareness has come over me it seems. Broke my shoulder last year. 6+ months recovering from that.

The same places that I use to just roll over I now hesitate. I am constantly second-guessing myself and equipment. Have had a few crashes in places I never had a problem with before. Seems I slow down and...well...doh! I need some mojo or something because I feel that I am my own worse enemy!

So...................here is to some mojo!
 
#26 ·
Just to up-date you all.....

My pal is very much on the mend and it seems that no lasting damage has been caused from the cracked vertebrae. He should be riding again in a couple of months which is good to hear.

My wife left the week-end before last and whilst I miss my boy terribly, I know things will be okay and I'm actually enjoying being on my own for a change. Life is good and I had an epic ride last night!

So, a big thanks to all of you for your kind words. It's odd, none of us know one another but it's still good to feel as if one has friends out there in the internet ether...... Good on ya'! :thumbsup:
 
#27 ·
Good to hear Dude, glad he's healing up. It's truly amazing for us that ride, what a ride can do for us, how much it can help us forget our stresses and worries and help clear the mind and help us think clearer about the important stuff in life.
 
#29 ·
This is long, I know…..But please read as I would love to know others thoughts!

First and foremost, I truly hope your friend recovers as well as possible, and is able to ride again. This sport is an amazing one, and being forced to walk away from it would be hard. Get well soon, good sir.

Let me put a slightly different take on this, and I would be curious if you guys that are older than I (38, almost 39), have gone through anything like this mentally. I recently got back into MTB after a 14 year break. No injury forced me to take this break, but other interests, starting a family, beginning a career all seemed to pull me away from riding. Now that I am back in it, I am truly loving it again, and I don’t see giving it up again. Back when I was 24, I had so much energy and could handle any wreck with no issues at all. Like DoctorJD mentioned, you get up and dust yourself off, and go try it again. But now, with a family and the like, my common sense button tends to get in the way with thoughts of having to work to pay bills and support my family, in addition to wanting to be around to run and play with my son. All understandable, I think.

But since I have come back into the sport, my dad who is 61 has lost 2 of his 4 best friends, with another being consumed with cancer and not long to live. Also, some colleges in my town have been stricken with various ailments that have dramatically changed their lives, and slowed their level of activity to next to nothing. I recently started watching “Breaking Bad” as well with my wife (great show by the way!), and of course the main character is told he has lung cancer as a 50’s non-smoker, and has 18 months to live and is beginning the long, brutal process of chemo. I think about all of this and see these people whose lives are ending on terms that I am certain they wouldn’t want, and it has really started to get to me. It makes me re-think my life and what I want out of it. How I want to live it, and inevitably thoughts creep in on how I would want it to end. I can’t help but see what is happening to these friends of my dad and the other people with these life changing events, and it just makes me think, a lot.

So on Monday evening, I went for a short ride with my riding buddy, and as I was railing a corner of a fun trail, the gravel on this one section decided that I should no longer have any traction and I went down. It wasn’t bad, but I got some good road rash on my leg and elbow. Having dinner with my parents last evening, my Mom is just on me about being careful and not risking injury and the like as she is looking at my road rash, probably thinking the worst of it all. I made a reactionary comment that kind of hit me later as to what I had said. The comment was “Hey, better to go out doing something I love, then be told I have cancer or something like that and will have only 6 months to live.” Of course at the time, my Mom stated that I shouldn’t “go out at all”, and I just agreed and moved on to the next conversation. But later, it kind of hit me. I have been finding myself pushing it harder and harder on the trail, when at this stage I probably should slow down, take easier lines, etc. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t have a death wish or anything like that. But I guess I am finding ways of “living life to its fullest” or a way to “truly feel I am alive” or whatever phrase you want to use. I love a song by Eddie Vedder called “Can’t Keep”, and a line that says “I want a last breath that I don’t let out”, and it struck me as possibly what I want, when the time comes. I do not want to rot away with a long, sad disease. Or I don’t want my life to end as I think about all the things I should have done. That I didn’t push it as hard as I could…..living life to the fullest.

OP, you and I are very similar in our mindsets, yet we take different approaches to it. Does anyone else think this way? Sorry, I don’t mean to derail the thread, but I found my thoughts fitting right into what the OP was saying about slowing down, taking it easy. Maybe I should be that way, and just be happy to ride the next day. I am not a religious person in any way, and maybe that is part of it. I don’t think my life (soul, inner-being, etc.) will continue on after I die. I guess I see the attraction to faith, in that there is peace of mind in thinking that you will continue on in some form. For me though, that isn’t what I believe, but I certainly respect and understand their reasons for believing. Its just that my brain doesn’t work that way.

Thanks for reading. Please, let me know your thoughts.
 
#30 ·
Welcome to middle age, when we realize death could be tomorrow, or 50 years away. My only advice is to enjoy and take reasonable risks.
 
#31 ·
Giant Chachi, best advice I can give is to get a set of elbow and knee pads, save the road rash :D Other than that, it's good to push your limits a bit, no matter your age, but you have to know when to reign it in or the penalty could be ending up like you don't want a vegetable lying in a hospital bed on life support and having to suffer that with no recourse out :skep: My $0.02
 
#32 · (Edited)
Clanger, as with others, many healing thoughts for your friend's continuing recovery.
It sounds like you had a truly off day when you posted, but you did you make the absolutely correct decision to not go screaming down the hill to an appointment with a near death experience; you are becoming wiser, which can sometimes manifest as being a bit slower. Not a bad tradeoff, really, when you think about it. Self preservation is a GOOD thing:thumbsup:

Ride hard, be happy & enjoy. If there is anyone around who teaches mtn bike skills, take a class to update your technique. The US has Better Ride Clinics, which are awesome. (For some reason, I'm assuming you are in the UK.)
Things may be changing but you are still in better shape and having more fun outdoors than 99% of the population. Get your son riding with you when it's time (& if he is so inclined). Talk, write, or email with him every day, no matter what. Ride, ride, ride when you feel bad about anything.
And remember, as a guy friend (paraphrasing Samuel Johnson) used to say, "Acting like a beast takes the pain out of being a man".

Chachi, my husband got me the first four seasons of Breaking Bad for Christmas. Yes, I know; how weird is that? Thanks, hon. I have to pace myself to about 2 episodes a week; it is all I can handle and process, but easily the best TV ever made. Still getting over the murder of Gayle (hope that's not a spoiler) & working on getting through Season 4 so we can start watching Season 5 in real time. Every time I read about a criminal apprehended I think, "Better call Saul!"
And if you really want to drive your mom crazy, get your dad on a bike. I'm older than he is, it can be done.
 
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