[Sades]

I am 5 months pregnant with our first baby and am wondering what other women did during their pregnancies when their husband takes off with a riding buddy for the day without you. He has been my only riding companion here and, though he is a better rider then me, I am still good enough to ride the same trails as him, try the smaller drops and jumps and only fall slightly behind, when I'm not pregnant.
I have not given up riding during my pregnancy, but we moved to Bellingham WA about a month ago and he and his friend are doing all their riding out on Galbraith. I hiked up there with him a few weeks ago and have determined that my pregnant self probably couldn't make the ride up and it wouldn't be such a good idea to do the freeride and semi-DH trails that they are riding even if I did.
It also doesn't help that my husband attempted to change the oil in my lefty without much knowledge about how to do it, and ended up breaking a part of it (I know I can't complain since I should be the one maintaining my bike, not him!). My bike can still be ridden, however it is leaking oil and I feel hesitant to ride it until the part comes into the shop (probably not for another week or so). We don't own a car, so I am reduced to foot travel until the Prophet is repaired.
Anyway, if you have any advice on how you coped with not being able to ride the trails you like, and watching your riding buddy go out without you during pregnancy it would be very helpful. Thanks

 

[catzilla]

I haven't been pregnant before, but am...err..."practicing," so conversations about the issues you're dealing with come up a fair bit between myself and friends who have been through it.

What does seem to be a reoccurring theme is the feeling of being left out. Between the missed rides and the missed drinks, ("Hey, since you're not drinking, you mind being the designated driver?"), it seems only natural to feel left out of all the reindeer games.

My master plan, which may or may not help you out, or may or may not even help me out for that matter, is to surround myself with as many other active moms as possible. I also have fancy plans of starting up some kind of kid and/or preggo friendly once a month ride. Sure, we may only ride bike paths or trail-a-bike friendly trails, but building that network of empathetic, supportive, and dirt loving women seems like nothing but good.

And then the group can all conspire to leave the kids with the fellas for a weekend and make up for lost rides with their own road trip.

There's some bad ass moms on here, as well as regular moms with bad ass attitudes. Personally, I'm very excited to see the advice that springs up.

 

[verslowrdr]

I have a kid that will be 3 at the end of September, and between work and breastfeeding I honestly don't think it gets much better. Maybe some other moms will chime in here and say there's a light at the end of the tunnel... please?

Anyway, I rode my MTB mostly on the road until 10 days before my due date just to stay in shape. I did a lot of rollers at home the following year until she could go in a trailer. For now we're stuck as a family doing road and having to go solo for off-road riding.

I would probably talk to your other half about how you're feeling when he takes off and come up with a plan than you both promise can be revisited down the road as things change. The point there is NOT to restrict him, but to let both of you have a chance to do _______ [fill in the blank] sans kid on a semi-regular basis so you can still feel human. And even though this is 2008, most moms I know do NOT end up getting a 50/50 bargain time-wise without major man-whining and wailing and gnashing of teeth. My advice: Just take whatever you can get.

 

[formica]

Maybe some other moms will chime in here and say there's a light at the end of the tunnel... please?
.

well... it does come faster than you think. I will have TWO spare bedrooms this fall.

Onto the OP's topic. In my experience, pregnant women are more highly attuned to real/perceived "abandonment" by their mate. It hurts like hell when said mate is off doing things with the homeys instead of being with you. How you handle it, what you say to them about it, is, well.... depends on your whole relationship dynamic. I was so out of whack with pregger hormones that I was never sure what was perceived and what WAS real. I just know I wanted him WITH ME and our babies to be, and not off somewhere else. This made him crazy of course. And made me crazy too. Some guys are trying to get in as much "freedom" as they can (self centered?) because they've been informed that life as they know it will be pretty much over when the kid comes.

If you need him to be with you more while you are feeling deprived, he's not a mind reader and if you don't say so, he may not know or get it. Now's a good time to practice for asking what you need with the extra demands on you from the baby. If he's a good guy, he'll find a way to be there for you and get some of his guy time in too. Good luck. I know this isn't adressing the "he's riding the trails I can't thing" but imo it all relates.

I put a lot of energy into thinking how 9 months really isn't that long and i wanted to grow the best babies I could....

 

[[email protected]]

Time to learn!

2 boys 4.5 and 6 y.o. and during both I did not ride at all. I'm way to aggressive to limit myself same goes for volleyball ( diving and such) so I took that opportunity to learn and build a custom bike myself, ( 12 builds later) I now do them for others. Get your self a good book and start reading. You said he broke your fork. You should be the one to fix it. Between nursing both boys ( had to stop nursing the first one because I was pregnant with the second) and emergency c-sections I was off the bike for awhile but the building and learning helped pass the time and gave me great bike maintenance skills. Also the above advice is great about setting up your time now and get the hubby on board. In no time you will be hitting drops and shredding. Once you do ride and if you are nursing invest in a good sports bra , title nine has great ones! Good luck with the baby!

 

[grungePoodle]

I have an 11 and 6 year old. I rode my bike until I was about 5 months pregnant with my youngest. I felt fine but my doctor said it was too risky in case I fell. That was a bummer because I had to give up the hard stuff, I didn't like being "babied." (no pun intended). So I switched to the trainer in the house. That went on for awhile until my knees started to hit my stomach when I pedaled. At that point I just gave it up, which was about 7-8 months of pregnancy. I was okay with that. I knew it wouldn't be that much longer.

Two weeks to THE DAY after I gave birth I was back on the bike. Honest. Sure, I was slow but I was pedaling! And five months after that I was racing, with both my kids and husband in tow. I still can't believe all the crap I had to bring to the races...Graco sleeper, bottles, diapers, blankets, toys. Not only that, I was feeding and burping my son at the finish line. It was all good.

Now that they are older and in school it's harder. I have to be super creative about ride times. My husband and I both work and he's on-call a lot with his job. Sometimes I have to cut rides short because he has to go to work. I still ride at least 3 times a week, I race, my kids are in sports, my husband has a competitive sport and he has another business out of the house. Granted, I have 4 bikes in the living room and do my bike maintenance in the kitchen, but we're a tight, happy, healthy family.

 

[screampint]

Keep hiking and taking that time for yourself. That will ease the "being left out feeling" that the other have brought up. He needs his ride time, and you need to understand that, but he also needs to know how you are doing. Like in all circumstances, communication is key.

As far as riding, your bike will be repaired in a relatively short amount of time. Ride what you are comfortable with and maybe ask him to make a standing ride date once a week with you. The two of you will continue to foster the riding buddy relationship and it will instill the feeling of "riding as a family" for later.

Both of my kids grew up loving to ride and now we take family vacations centered around riding. I'll be a show off and say click here to see their progression as cyclists.

 

[mtbrae]

I agree with Screampint.
I have 4 kids now, but am entering a whole new realm of balancing. I began riding when my oldest was 4 and the youngest at the time was 1. I was single so it was a juggling act and a lot of pulling a trailer. I quickly got my kids on bikes and began riding with them, they finally were getting old enough for me to start devoting some time to my own riding.

I got preggers again. anyway I rode until I was 7 months pregnant.But no I could no longer ride my favorite trails, but i was happy to ride at all. I was very happy to see my husband ride, I didn't want us both to have to suffer - same with the drinking part. though i did partake in wine and a beer ocassionally. I figured if i love riding as much as i do, and i know my other half does as much, two crazy people in one house wouldn't work!
He did make sacrifices and as a family we hiked alot more. It felt good to stay active and outdoors no matter what.
Since we have had the little bambina he has been super supportive. He bought a trailer, and he takes us out to the trail, and hangs out while i ride. We don't get to ride together anymore, and my riding isn't up to par. I don't really feel ready to ride what i was riding pre-pregnancy.
My jealously comes in more now than when i was pregnant. I try to keep telling myself a lot of moms have to give up thier passions or hobbys after kids. But I 'm not so good at it!
It's all a learning curve, but if your man is like mine keep the lines of communication open and support his riding now, and hopefully later he'll support yours.
good luck. get a trailer. Pass on the Passion

 

[catzilla]

Ride what you are comfortable with and maybe ask him to make a standing ride date once a week with you. The two of you will continue to foster the riding buddy relationship and it will instill the feeling of "riding as a family" for later.

That seems like awesome advice.

I know what of my biggest fears isn't so much a loss of my ride time, but losing the ability to ride with my favorite riding buddy.

A few weekends back, I was working out ride plans with a couple who have a toddler. When they were working out who would ride first while the other kid-sat, I had a bit of an epiphany.

"How about I watch your kid while you all ride together?"

"Really? Really?!? Really!"

It'd been a long while since they'd been able to do that.

Maybe there's another couple in town with a young child who'd be open for a regular kid-swap - that way each couple gets to stay on top of their dates - ride, romantic, or otherwise.

 

[mtbrae]

"How about I watch your kid while you all ride together?"

"Really? Really?!? Really!"

It'd been a long while since they'd been able to do that.

Maybe there's another couple in town with a young child who'd be open for a regular kid-swap - that way each couple gets to stay on top of their dates - ride, romantic, or otherwise.

Being where we live and that we rarely get to ride together, we often offer even out of towners to bring the family and we will watch the kiddos so the couple can ride together.

most of our friends either don't have kids or not our kids ages, so aren't so into trading, but we keep trying and offering, I hope one day we can trade with someone, I would love to ride with my hubby again.

 

[Sades]

Thanks everyone for the advice. I never expected so many moms to respond! Just to clarify, my husband and I do get in rides together, I guess it just is hard when you know they are out on the trails, and you are left alone, but if we weren't so new here I might have some friends to spend that time with. I also know that he is just learning the trails, and getting to spend time with a friend he hasn't seen in a while.

Yesterday I made the best of it by getting in a run, and on hot days may add a swim to that, since my husband isn't much for swimming anyway. That worked well, and it made the time go by faster. It was still hard hearing the stories when he got back, but I guess that happens. I agree with you all that it is a good idea to talk about time set up now, because I'm sure it will be a struggle when the baby arrives.

About 6 months ago I got that same idea about getting a group of parent riders together and having them take turns with one or two of the parents staying at the playground or at someones house while the rest of the parents went and rode. Then they could just switch child watching duties each week.

I also have thought about surrounding myself with a supportive group of mothers, and have found a lot of mother/baby groups in this area, but figured I wouldn't join until after the baby arrives. Maybe I should just start a little early.

I like the idea of using pregnancy as a time to learn how to work on your bike (if you can handle the smell of the oil and grease, which really gets to me right now). I have learned how to do a lot on my bike already, mostly from the insistence of my husband who wants me to be knowledgeable. But I know I should learn more, and now seems like as good a time as any.

Thanks again, it is helpful to hear from other riders who have had similar experiences.

 

[verslowrdr]

"How about I watch your kid while you all ride together?"
"Really? Really?!? Really!"

Honey, you Teh AWESOME. I love the idea of having a group of folks that would trade time back and forth.

Due to circumstances beyond our control that changed very radically right after daughter's birth we haven't had much outside support. We've managed to get by with only one night out together just the two of us since she's been born, but I think it's been hard on our marriage.

People love to rag on that phrase "It takes a village to raise a child", but that idea sure seems more practical than the alternative(s).

 

[formica]

babysiting co-ops can work if people are flexible, mellow and understanding. Generally they work better when kids are old enough to play or socialize. I was in one group for a while where we all met at the pool with infants ( we had all got acquainted while lap swimming pregnant) and we'd switch off with laps and watching infants. I got kicked out because my son was too fussy.

But when the boys were 1 and 4, I was in a great group of 4 moms with 6 kids total and we'd each take all the kids for three hours once a week; that was three days where I could get a work out in and one day where I needed intravenous excedrin...

 

[TreeSaw]

Keep hiking and taking that time for yourself. That will ease the "being left out feeling" that the other have brought up. He needs his ride time, and you need to understand that, but he also needs to know how you are doing. Like in all circumstances, communication is key.

As far as riding, your bike will be repaired in a relatively short amount of time. Ride what you are comfortable with and maybe ask him to make a standing ride date once a week with you. The two of you will continue to foster the riding buddy relationship and it will instill the feeling of "riding as a family" for later.

Both of my kids grew up loving to ride and now we take family vacations centered around riding. I'll be a show off and say click here to see their progression as cyclists.

Definitely do what feels right for you and talk to your Dr. I rode off road and what are considered very technical trails until I was 7 months pregnant then I rode some more tame trails for a couple of weeks until the snow came when I was on the road on my MTB or on my trainer...I even rode a stationary bike within 24 hours of delivering my beautiful baby girl. And, I managed to race a 24 hour race on a 5 person team when I was 10 weeks pregnant (with my Dr.s support).

I rode with our regular group for quite some time and have always remained middle of the pack so it wasn't really an issue for me. I also used the time to read, hike a little and did some spinning at home. We did do weekly (actually a couple of weekly) rides together and enjoyed the time.

All of that exercise and energy left me a very happy and healthy pregnant lady (YEAH). I was never sick or tired and had a very easy delivery.

I hope you have the same experiences!!!

 

[lucilla]

Hi,
I'm new in this forum!!
I'm from Italy and I'm a mom mtb biker ( he is 2 years old).
I used my mtb till I was in the 5th month of pregnancy, and now I use my bike every day thank's to my mom and my mother in law.
It is funny because in Italy we take care about doing sport during pregnancy and I was crazy becouse I did it, so I'm happy to find a forum like that.

Ciao
Stefania

 

[bitflogger]

You'll never catch my wife replying, but I can tell you what she did and what we did. She stopped doing things with an element of risk some months into pregnancy, but never stopped activity including riding city type paths and trails 'till the end. Not so with the twins though. We never did or do much to push each other like some couples we know and I'm sure it has a lot to do with my 19 year with such a fine woman.

Basically many things change and she (later me) just embraced those changes and we made parenting the top priority. It has been fun and now that the kids twins are 4 and my daughter will be 7 we're all on bikes and having fun.

My wife only recently resumed riding real single track and longer rides but there was no sacrifice beyond my missing her there. The kids age very fast so we also have no regrets with the change to our life style. We're still very active. A minivan has replaced our epic trips with pickup truck loaded with bikes and sail boards and to be honest we feel like the riches people in the world heading out or home in a stuffed minivan and with big adventures being what the little kids are doing.

My wife is independent like a cat and strong physically and mentally so there are times when I wonder if what was not so hard for us might be from that. She just never missed changes or had problems with the change like some we know, and I tried to learn from that myself.

Just embrace it all, be comfy with change and worry more about core good behavior from kids and parents before the details and too much great time will pass too fast.

Good luck.

P.S. Start saving money!

 

[Sades]

Thanks again everyone. I talked to my husband about how I was feeling, and he has been really supportive. Of course he still gets in his rides to the mountain, which I completely support, but he also makes sure to do something active with me. Fortunately my Lefty part should be in soon, so I can get out and ride again. I will try to do the installation of the new part on my own! With a little support from my husband I think.

I have another question for you all as well. I am at 22 weeks now, and have only gained about two and a half pounds since before my pregnancy. All the books say you should have gained 10-15lbs by now, but I wonder if that isn't always true for active women. I eat healthy foods all the time, and my midwife says she is not concerned, but if I haven't gained more by next month, we might try to make some changes.

I am tall, 5'11'', and weighed 155lbs before I was pregnant, 157lbs now. I was not at all overweight, but fairly muscular. I am wondering if I have just lost some of my muscle and that is why I have not gained the weight. My question to you all is if any of you had similar experiences, and also if you have any tips for what you have done to grow a healthy baby, nutrition wise? I am measuring normal for my belly, and the baby is active all the time, so he/she seems to be doing perfectly fine.

sorry about the long post!!!

 

[verslowrdr]

If you're eating reasonable amounts of a balanced diet I would NOT worry about it. I hardly gained anything until the final trimester and even then when people looked at me straight ahead or straight behind they didn't realize I was preg until they saw me from the side.... even when I was checking into the hospital to get induced at 9 days overdue. I have a wide and long torso and hip girdle like my mother, who also never showed that much.

 

[bitflogger]

Thanks again everyone. I talked to my husband about how I was feeling, and he has been really supportive. Of course he still gets in his rides to the mountain, which I completely support, but he also makes sure to do something active with me. Fortunately my Lefty part should be in soon, so I can get out and ride again. I will try to do the installation of the new part on my own! With a little support from my husband I think.

I have another question for you all as well. I am at 22 weeks now, and have only gained about two and a half pounds since before my pregnancy. All the books say you should have gained 10-15lbs by now, but I wonder if that isn't always true for active women. I eat healthy foods all the time, and my midwife says she is not concerned, but if I haven't gained more by next month, we might try to make some changes.

I am tall, 5'11'', and weighed 155lbs before I was pregnant, 157lbs now. I was not at all overweight, but fairly muscular. I am wondering if I have just lost some of my muscle and that is why I have not gained the weight. My question to you all is if any of you had similar experiences, and also if you have any tips for what you have done to grow a healthy baby, nutrition wise? I am measuring normal for my belly, and the baby is active all the time, so he/she seems to be doing perfectly fine.

sorry about the long post!!!

Hmm..... My wife's 5'10 and her weight gain was not as extreme as many the first time and the twins sort of changed everything. I won't say don't trust your midwife, but do also trust a physician you have confidence in. I'd have dead wife if she went the route of my sister in law regarding conventional medicine. I think my wife's height and strength let a lot of being pregnant be easier.

Good luck in all the coming changes. I hope you find the changes as rewarding as we have. My wife reminds me of how I thought life was wrecked by parenting at first, but now there is nothing that tops most of the time with the kids. Many I know will be going on a great ride today and I'll be taking training wheels off for the twins, squeezing in a little ride with my daughter and doing it so my wife will be squeezing in some personal time for herself. They are the times that make me feel like I'm one of the riches people alive and I hope that comes to your family.

Good luck.