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Natl. Champ DH Poser/Hack
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12,942 Posts
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heya steve.

after yer last post about this whole mess and ridin alone, ive had so much stuff bouncin around in my head and to be honest, im not sure how to put it all down here so if a ramble on a bit, just hang tight and maybe ill get to my point, most likely i wont. you know how it is im sure. its just that this news about julie has brought back alot of memories, not all of em good ones.

im not such a young guy anymore as ya know, been ridin bikes of one type or another for damn close to 40 years and im not such a good rider as ive said before so ive had my share of stupid moments brought on by bad desisions resulting in horriffic conciquenses. thank gawd most of these moments were in the company of others who were there to lend a much needed hand and get me out of some really nasty situations. other times its been my turn to repay the favor and help out when they or a stranger needed my help. on top of these experiences, ive been a long time motorsports enthusiest which has its own set of dificulties weather or not i was behind the wheel or a track official.

i hate to ride solo. its boring to me and a bit too much of a risk in my eyes. funny thing is i not only respect those who do but im envious in some wierd way. yeah, ive done it plenty and some of those long solo rides have cleared my head well. i guess thats about the only time i do it, when the head needs time to think through somethin bigger in my life. the bike is my vehical down a path to that badly needed palce inside myself.

ive seen friends hurt and recover, ive seen some die and not in a nice painless way we would hope for. these last ones are obviously the ones that stick with ya a touch more but ive been kept up late, so to speak, by the ones where it turned out ok. i guess the reason both they and i made it through was due to havin folks to talk to. folks that understood the whys, wheres and hows of these more specialized moments in these more specialized activities.

sometimes it involved folks i didnt know well or sometimes not at all. ive grown to understand for the kind of guy i am, this means little to my reaction to these events. maybe im a overly emotional girly-man or perhaps im just wired up different than the majority but i can tell ya it gets to me big time. last year i was at a car race and healing from a badly ruined ankle so i was limited in activity level. it was my 1st race in many years and my 1st with these folks at this track so my experience meant little to them. ya need to build trust ya know.

i was workin the comm line at a corner on top of a hill in topeka when a few turns before our station, i new 911 driver augered into a concrete wall that protected others like me. bad shite pal. bad, bad shite. much damage, much fire, much painfull screaming and much hand ringing at the wrong time by the wrong people as folks who had to run to escape the impact tried to tell other folks who couldnt see it, what was needed to help this poor guy on a newly changed peice of track. geeze man, the screaming went on forever as this guy with nuthin much left below his ribs burned nearly to death. and there i was feeling oh so trapped myself. i could see what was needed but couldnt go to help as i had a job to do where i stood and my advice over the comm meant little as they didnt know me from adam and all i woulda done is confuse a busy situation more so i just told em to shut it down and send everything they had. then i was forced to watch. to listen. we lost the driver later that night. a man i did not know. a man id only given a thumbs up to as he passed by my station. yet id lost a friend and a brother. that ones harder to explain so i wont get into it now.

whats my point here. um... ok. this really messed me up. about 3 months of mild to average depression and all the goodies that go with it. no sleep to speak of and the times i did were filled with dreams that retold the day in grim detail. i got through it by talkin to folks who got it. not so much my family, not so much the woman who makes every day on this planet a honor for me to share it with her. they cant understand really. but my old race pals back home could and did. so did those also involved that day. lots of calls, letters and on line convos. so heres what im sayin i think. ya need a pal who gets it, whose been there on both sides of the perverbial fence, im there. say the word and ill pass on my message program info and my cell #. ill make all the time for ya that ya need or want.

i have a feeling that shes more than just a riding buddy to you but i could be wrong and readin too much into it. i also assume shes the stronger type who can and will recover from this with minimal impact to her long term abilities and psycological being. i can tell ya for a fact it wont be a easy raod though and she too may need a ear. i have 2 so ill offer her the same. im pretty much trapped inside till things change around here and i can get back on the bike again so time i have. you guys tell me if ya need some of it. i wouldnt offer it if i wasnt quite serious about followin through.

stay tough steve and suggest to julie she does the same. time heals, so do bones. trust me, mine all have and ive busted more than my fair share, some right to the point of potential loss of limb but with the help of good folks i made it through ok. im sure ya have plenty there but if you 2 need one more...............
 
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