I had to repost what someone else wrote because it was so awesome
Article comment by: Problem Solver
To my fellow trail users… I am looking for permission to introduce a new trail vehicle of sorts. It is a bit hard to describe with text alone, but I will do my best.
First, do not concern yourself with thoughts of internal combustion. Grass and hay will be the only fuel needed and waste will be confined to pile approximately two feet in diameter left neatly on the trail behind the machine itself at intervals of about every 50 feet. The operator will sit approximately 4’ off the ground and only method of control will be a small strap held loosely in their hands. The machine will be controllable under most situations as the software I have designed allows for operator input to be recognized. I do not like the confinement of complete control and believe it’s the unexpected that makes life interesting, so ultimate decision making will be left to the machines CPU. Generally, the machine will respond to most commands, but if a malfunction does occur, the machine weighing approximately 900 pounds will revert into it’s own decision making cycle and do whatever it wants.
The operator and surrounding trail users will be at the mercy of the machine during this software cycle, so it will be advised to evacuate the area as quietly and quickly as possible as to not provoke the “crap, kick and flee” feature I have built in. It should be noted that almost any outside stimulus may cause the “CKF” feature to be turned on. A broken branch, child’s scream or parked bicycle will be examples that may or may not turn this feature on. The beauty of this machine will be that you will never really know what’s going to happen next, thus adding to the adventure we all wish to find while exploring the outdoors. I have designed each leg to deliver at least 10,000 newton’s of force when activated. My hope will be to clear slower trail users of any danger by ejecting them many feet from the trail and into the soft surrounding bushes as soon as the “CFK” feature is activated.
I was at first concerned with the longevity of this machine so I tipped each stilt like walking appendage with a heavy gauge steel ring to prevent damage to the apparatus. This may or may not lead to premature trail erosion, but my thought is no one will notice as I plan to use the machine on trails already grooved through the very mantle of the earth by previous equestrian use. The machine has also been designed to walk as close to the edge of every trail as possible, accelerating the need for trail maintenance which in turn makes for great team building experience for all the volunteers involved.
Operators of this machine will generally have limited understanding of how the machine operates. Operators of the machine will also be encouraged to have a multitude of trail dogs loosely wandering in front and behind to help other trail users notice their approach. My hope is as many as ten or so machines will be able to walk slowly in a line so their waste can be placed as evenly and thickly as possible for great distances which will make for a soft and comfortable walking surface for other users to enjoy.
I realize that some aspects of this machine may seem poorly designed or even dangerous but I implore you for your support. Let’s get these massive machines out crushing and widening superb single-track as soon as possible before those pesky pneumatic rolling monstrosities gain any more support through their consideration for other users, volunteer work and general friendly attitudes.
