[AZtortoise]

I acted badly at the end of a ride yesterday, and would like nothing better than to crawl under a rock.

Some advice for others: If someone wants to bail on a scheduled ride, let them, there is a reason the person wants to bail. Talking someone into a ride is a mistake. IMO.

Yesterday I went on a ride I tried to bail out of earlier in the week. Two people talked me into going anyway. Yeah, I caved in to social pressure. It was a huge mistake. From before the ride started I did not want to be there. I started looking at my watch an hour and a half into the ride, something I had never done before. To make it worse I was unfamiliar with the trail system and did not know my way back to the trailhead(I would have gone back to my car if I could have). So, three hours into the ride I had had much more than enough. Then, the trail got ugly(IMO). It was narrow with a steep downhill to the right and a steep uphill to the left. Early on on that part of the trail I got REALLY scared and pretty much freaked out. No shame in walking, BUT, once I have that much fear, I am done. Kaput. Still not back to the trailhead though. Once back near the trailhead I took my chance to leave. I was still very upset and left without goodbyes(Rude, I know).

I am very angry with myself for caving in to social pressure. I am many years past being a teenager so (IMO)past the point where peer pressure should have been an issue. And, about a month ago I resolved to pay attention to my intuition, and my intuition told me to bail on this particular ride.

My apologies to all present on that ride. I admit I am an ass.

Rita

 

[SpiderTaxi]

I think I can say I understand what you are feeling, I've done the same thing. I'm coming to the realization that I have this invisible sticky note on my patutie that says: "kick here". But if you were persuaded to go, then you are a necessary 'presence' to someone, which is a good thing. Don't be so hard on yourself for getting freaked out on the hard stuff. I have this thing with ledges, I have the hardest time with them and I feel they can really ruin a ride for me.

 

[rzozaya1969]

Don't feel so bad, everything looks different in retrospective. Speaking for myself, not minding my age, sometimes I cave in to social pressure. I think it's normal, we are social animals, and sometimes we do let others give in to something we wouldn't try or do alone.

I don't know how the group ride was announced, level, etc., but sometimes the level of the ride isn't what it was announced. I have gone through what the sponsors says it's a begginer's course, only to find that it was impossible or just downright scary for me.

I also relate a lot in which if I get a good fright at the beggining of the ride, I'm usually very carefull and freaked up for the rest of that ride.

Don't worry too much if it wasn't your best ride, at least you went and gave it your best shot.

Like Spider said, you were important to someone that wanted you to be there. It is a good thing.

Group rides are very good to do once in a while. They push you a little harder, or, when you're getting better, make you see how far you've advanced. Before I was always one of the guys at the back, making everybody wait up for us, never getting any rest. Now, thankfully I'm in the middle pack or, once in a while, with the leaders of the ride, waiting for the rest. Jejejeje. It just takes time. Don't write off the group rides because of this experience, you can give group rides another try (or 2) now and then.

Take care & have fun

 

[CycleMainiac]

don't be so hard on yourself. lesson learned - listen to that inner voice

I too have done similar things. I've gone out with other riders and worked soo hard to stay up that I end up having to be carried back. I've joined group rides then been disapointed at the lack of riding. It's all a learning process, something we all go through.

 

[TVC15]

My apologies to all present on that ride. I admit I am an ass.

I think it's way beyond cool that you have the character to admit that you were being as ass. Seriously, few people do, fewer still are capable of recognizing when they have been one. So in the bigger more important picture, you're OK in my book.



And I'd be remiss in pointing out that as much as you may have hated the ride, you got through it. Maybe you're tougher than you realize. Every one has those bar-raising days. They may suck at the time, but they usually have a pay off, if you let them. Good on you, AZT.

 

[catzilla]

Sometimes peer pressure can be good. Every so often I'm goaded into a good ride that I would have otherwise avoided.

You acted less stellar than you are comfortable with. Big whoop. Mistakes are why apologies were invented.

So, just apologize for being a bit crabby on the trails. Besides, it's what all the cool kids are doing.

 

[MidAtlanticXCer]

Apologies?

My apologies to all present on that ride. I admit I am an ass.

Oh no, we're supposed to apologize for stuff like that? But then I'd spend all my time apologizing!
No really, if you were being a real prima donna and acting like a spoiled kid, you get to apologize. If you were just being crabby and not-so-nice, eh, whatever. Everybody has "who pissed in your cornflakes" rides every once in a while.

 

[Christine]

Yeah, we've all been there/done that/still do!

The fact that you're considerate enough to feel guilty is . Just think about all the total a-holes in the world that could care less about anybody else. We need fewer of them and more of the occasionally-crabby types

 

[Mary Ann]

It's good to go with your gut

I had a similar experience 2 years ago. A friend of my boyfriend's friends asked me to go on a group mtb ride with him on a day my bf was working. Said friend and I had been compatible road rider partners (as long as I could draft behind him), but I knew it would not work on the trail. I have one speed and it's SLOW. I mean REALLY slow. So I said no. He insisted that I'd be fine, that the group had many abilities and that his 13 yr old son was coming so it couldn't be that bad. I had my doubts, but it was a great spring day and I wanted to get out so I finally caved.

Well it was a disaster. My prediction came true--I was way off the back. Slower-than-a- 13-year-old slow. Normally when this kind of thing happens, I just tell the others to go ahead and I ride on my own. But I didn't know the trails, so I couldn't go on my own. My buddy felt obligated to stay with me since he had invited me, but I could tell he was unhappy--he's normally a hammerhead at the front.

The longer we went, the more upset he got and he was no longer waiting for me at the top of the climbs, and audibly sighing when he did wait. Finally we got to the top of a particularly nasty, muddy, hike-a-bike, I let him have it:

Me: "Next time I tell you I'm too slow to ride with you will you believe me?"
Him: "Yeah"
Me: "Ok, now get over it and be nice enough wait for me."
Him: "Ok"

It went better from there (it was downhill) and he was able to join up with the group for a bit while I rode back to the car.

I didn't feel bad about how I acted (he was the one who was acting like the ass), but I did vow to follow my gut from then on.

Rita: you probably weren't as offensive to the others as you felt towards yourself. Lesson learned. Next time you can agree to a shorter ride (3 hours is a bit much when you don't really feel like it in the first place) and avoid your bad section. But as someone's signature says "a bad day riding beats a day in the office anytime."

Mary Ann

 

[rzozaya1969]

I had a similar experience 2 years ago. A friend of my boyfriend's friends asked me to go on a group mtb ride with him on a day my bf was working. Said friend and I had been compatible road rider partners (as long as I could draft behind him), but I knew it would not work on the trail. I have one speed and it's SLOW. I mean REALLY slow. So I said no. He insisted that I'd be fine, that the group had many abilities and that his 13 yr old son was coming so it couldn't be that bad. I had my doubts, but it was a great spring day and I wanted to get out so I finally caved.

Well it was a disaster. My prediction came true--I was way off the back. Slower-than-a- 13-year-old slow. Normally when this kind of thing happens, I just tell the others to go ahead and I ride on my own. But I didn't know the trails, so I couldn't go on my own. My buddy felt obligated to stay with me since he had invited me, but I could tell he was unhappy--he's normally a hammerhead at the front.

The longer we went, the more upset he got and he was no longer waiting for me at the top of the climbs, and audibly sighing when he did wait. Finally we got to the top of a particularly nasty, muddy, hike-a-bike, I let him have it:

Me: "Next time I tell you I'm too slow to ride with you will you believe me?"
Him: "Yeah"
Me: "Ok, now get over it and be nice enough wait for me."
Him: "Ok"

It went better from there (it was downhill) and he was able to join up with the group for a bit while I rode back to the car.

I didn't feel bad about how I acted (he was the one who was acting like the ass), but I did vow to follow my gut from then on.

Rita: you probably weren't as offensive to the others as you felt towards yourself. Lesson learned. Next time you can agree to a shorter ride (3 hours is a bit much when you don't really feel like it in the first place) and avoid your bad section. But as someone's signature says "a bad day riding beats a day in the office anytime."

Mary Ann

Mary Ann, I think you're friend was rude in how he treated you.

While I think that one should try to go to group rides that are on one's level, not every ride goes as planned, or the level are very loosely explained. And if you're invited by someone, he/she should know and be responsible that you can ride it out, or if not, he/she should stand by you and make it worth your while. Cheer you up, walk by you, or at least wait for you.

I also had a similar experience, in which a friend invited me to some trails I didn't know. He and I were of similar levels, and went also with a friend of his. Then this married couple got invited somehow.

Well, it turned out that the wife (I don't remember her name), was a begginer and it cost her a lot to try to keep up. I don't mind that, I think when I'm going in a group, we should keep in the group. What I didn't like was my friend telling me he was sorry, he didn't invited her, bla bla bla. While I doubt very much she heard him, I think it was rude. What finaly happened, is on a fireroad where it was kinda easy to return to the cars (well, except for a 1 mile uphill section) they sent her. I thought that her husband was going to return with her, but he decided that it was a good oportunity to try his new bike, so she went alone. I felt bad about that situation.

I think that when one goes in a group, the group should stay together, or if there are enough people, maybe split in levels. If someone is slowing down the, well, the group goes slow, or divides if there are several people that knows the way.

 

[Mary Ann]

Yep, he was rude

That's why I called him on it half way through the ride. Thankfully it was over and done with as soon as he realized he was being rude.

As for group rides, I do agree with you that they should stick together. I've been dropped by friends before and that wasn't pretty either (story for another time). But for this particular instance, it was an established ride of about 30+ riders and I knew going in that I did not have the ability to keep up with them (even the slower ones) so I didn't want to impose my speed on them. I think that the reason I was invited along to keep my buddy's kid company so that he could ride with the big boys. That's the only reason I could think of that he wouldn't listen to my arguements that I was too slow.

Oh well, water long gone under the bridge.

Mary Ann

 

[AZtortoise]

Thank you all for your kindness. I expected to get blasted. Really. But then, I am often harder on myself than others are. I guess I can crawl out from under my rock now.

Btw, the ride was a slow social ride. I was towards the end most of the time which was fine. And I did not mind walking the tough section, just scared sh!tless which ruined the rest of the ride for me. All that adrenaline had nowhere to go which left me a bit shaky.

Thank you all again.

Rita

 

[Impy]

And I did not mind walking the tough section, just scared sh!tless which ruined the rest of the ride for me.

I know THAT feeling :/

Thanks for the thought provoking and utterly relatable thread.