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player hater
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43 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I peruse the Forum from time to time to see what is up. There are some things that I hate and I just cant take it anymore -

1. Photos of your bike - shutter up and ride. If it aint about tech/tune who gives a rats arse? cant get a date? dork.
2. GPS - your kidding me. Who needs GPS? Wide open moors in the UK- Ok maybe, never been there, but those guys did get lost in American WW in London. Spooky. If you are on a trail that you really need a GPS to find, you dont belong on that trail. GPS is for charting courses and mapping out In n'out burger exits. "But biking is like charting a course too." Shut up! It is not. Go ride and enjoy the thrill of the wrong turn. If you are wrong ride back out. You are a consumer for the sake of consuming!
3. Full body armor - Come on. If you are wearing that stuff, there is a reason and you are really good - probably sponsored, maybe rich - your not wearing in on single track. If you are wearing it on single track, you probably have a GPS too. 9 out of 10 times just rich and you got upsold my friend - har har.
4. Monochromatic bikes - Whatever. your rich or sponsored or vain, maybe all three. If your all three then I am ok with it.
5. 6 inch of travel on single track. You People. I thought that the front shock was the end of the world. That it would open up the trails to too many people who would need less skill. Then the Dualy. Now the super Dualy trail bike. Its the parabolic ski of the bike world. People who dont know what they are doing, able to do what they couldnt do before and f-ing it up for those that do - 5 inches of training wheel. (insert mp3 of Howard Dean)
6. Photos - I dont care. A shot of your buddy boosting a log ! Shralp! Why are you posting it? You are not sponsored, cuz you wouldnt be posting on MTBR it would be in a mag, your probably vain and rich. That is a bad combo.

Thats it. Didn't mean to offend anyone, unless you took offense to it, in which case go program your GPS to find your arse. Save the sport. Dont be a dork.
 

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Life is Good
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1,494 Posts
Can't take it anymore? Oh no, what're you going to do, leave? Please.... don't... we'll change!

Take some of your own advice and go ride instead of wasting your time complaining.
 

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life is a barrel o'fun
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2,502 Posts
Allow me to get started......

1. Photos of your bike - shutter up and ride. If it aint about tech/tune who gives a rats arse? cant get a date? dork.

Usually these threads are titled something like, "Photos of my bike" or even "bike porn." Easily avoided if need be. Personally, I get bored with 'em after a while too but I usually learn something from them.

2. GPS - your kidding me. Who needs GPS? Wide open moors in the UK- Ok maybe, never been there, but those guys did get lost in American WW in London. Spooky. If you are on a trail that you really need a GPS to find, you dont belong on that trail. GPS is for charting courses and mapping out In n'out burger exits. "But biking is like charting a course too." Shut up! It is not. Go ride and enjoy the thrill of the wrong turn. If you are wrong ride back out. You are a consumer for the sake of consuming!

Nothing gets my hackles up like using "your" when you mean "you're."

The GPS is often used to map out new trails or keep the old ones updated, at least around here. I don't bother with one myself, but I sure do love seeing stuff like the VT50 route plotted over a topographical map. I've always loved maps, though, mostly for staring at when I'm off the bike and daydreaming about riding the route.

3. Full body armor - Come on. If you are wearing that stuff, there is a reason and you are really good - probably sponsored, maybe rich - your not wearing in on single track. If you are wearing it on single track, you probably have a GPS too. 9 out of 10 times just rich and you got upsold my friend - har har.

We have THE tamest trails around, and I never wear more than a helmet. But I just saw one of my bike buddies at a party, and he's in a body brace after breaking his spine and then some on some tame trails. Somebody else got impaled by a branch recently when he rolled off a mini-cliff. Maybe some people wear them to be posers, that's their problem.

4. Monochromatic bikes - Whatever. your rich or sponsored or vain, maybe all three. If your all three then I am ok with it.

ouch, now you're just torturing me on purpose.

5. 6 inch of travel on single track. You People. I thought that the front shock was the end of the world. That it would open up the trails to too many people who would need less skill. Then the Dualy. Now the super Dualy trail bike. Its the parabolic ski of the bike world. People who dont know what they are doing, able to do what they couldnt do before and f-ing it up for those that do - 5 inches of training wheel. (insert mp3 of Howard Dean)

Our trails are so tame around here, that everybody's going rigid SS. Me, I've got my Blur with the full suspension and a bash ring. That's b/c I do some riding upstate where actual mountains and rocks are found, but I can't afford a different bike for every trail. I've got the trusty hardtail for backup and the original rigid for commuting, though they represent 15+ years of gradual progression and not snobbery.

6. Photos - I dont care. A shot of your buddy boosting a log ! Shralp! Why are you posting it? You are not sponsored, cuz you wouldnt be posting on MTBR it would be in a mag, your probably vain and rich. That is a bad combo.

So what on earth are you doing online?? Listen to Bike Radio or something. :rolleyes:

In any case, sometimes I'll judge people if they're clearly annoying about keeping a spotless bike, for example, and never ride the damn thing. However, you're (NOT "your," jeeeez) wrong to assume people who like nice bikes or gadgets are "rich and vain." Or should I assume that misspelling basic words makes a person dense?
 

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player hater
Joined
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43 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 · (Edited)
Guilty. Bad typerer and spellerer and dense.(ever read eats shoots and leaves - youd love it)

What station is bike radio? Is that Am or FM?

Dont get all sensitive folks. Simply putting out a post for the sake of posting which I guess is bad on a forum titled 'passion.' I love anyone who rides - hugs and kisses.

Its just a bit of humor, a bit of irony and a side of physician heal thy self. If Icould ride and was not stuck in an office waiting I would be riding and not posting.
 

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Freshly Fujified
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8,199 Posts
You forgot one

Retro-grouches :thumbsup:

Taken tongue-in-cheek, the original post is actually somewhat humorous.
 

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Registered
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167 Posts
Too funny

bjunsveltie
Not sure if your post was serious or being over the top as a joke, but either way, it was still pretty funny. Very. "Dennis Leary" (I think that's his name)
Thanks for the laugh.
 

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Fartographer
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1,847 Posts
Your Profile

Your profile says you live in Santa Cruz and have a Nomad. Isn't that a 6-inch bike? I guess you never ride it locally because that would be weak, huh? You must be one of those guys that passes me on a CX bike.

Dead Campers should only be ridden on a rigid. Anything else and you're just a pu$$y. :p
 

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player hater
Joined
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43 Posts
Discussion Starter · #13 ·
Profiles are a lie! I live in SF and ride a fixie with a small U lock in my back pocket. PS, can you IM me with the GPS coordinates for the trail head at dead campers?
 

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life is a barrel o'fun
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2,502 Posts
I was just calmly pointing out the reasons why you can chill. Thought it might help. I'm not opposed to the occasional passionate rant.
 

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Registered
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418 Posts
This is funny. Reminds me of an old friend of mine with alot of passion about things like music, riding, snowboarding etc...... But every once in a while, usually when totally schwamified, he would get really beligerent and have a bit of a rant like this. Really would get annoying eventually but would usually be on the verge of passing out/ or getting arrested. Thanks for the memory.
Big up yourself.......
 
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