Willin
ok... so here's a recap
a kind of "where is Devo now"
so i had worked as a Hospital Pharmacy Technician at Community Hospital of the Monterey Peninsula for about 13yrs after serving 4yrs in The Army at Fort Ord in a Light Artillery Air Mobile unit, of which I was deployed to Panama in '89 for Operation Just Cause
I think it was 8/07 when I resigned from my position, moved from Pacific Grove, Ca. down to Ventura, Ca to help with my Dad who had been diagnosed with bladder cancer, my grandmother has Alzheimer's and my grandfather was simply old.
I have now been back in practice at CHOMP for a bit more than 2yrs. I'm happy to be back!
the time off was amazing!
hands down, time off like that was the best time of my life.
it had some ups and downs... amazingly cathartic moments <--- of which i still think were the most beautiful of it all.
when my dad passed away, which ironically was 5 years ago 4/15/09 (today)
i'll never forget that day, I had landed a staff position for SOC (sea otter classic) as the on site operation coordinator. It was Wednesday 4/15, and I had a line of Hertz rental sedans that I was inspecting, and signing for, when my phone rang...
it was an old family friend, and he was rattling off a bunch of stuff...
i was amidst dealing with a bunch of people, a lot of cars, trucks, fuel, etc...
not to mention the final stages of SOC build out...
I'll never forget it... I had a Hertz rental agreement under my left hand, and my right hand was scribbling out my signature... when I spoke into the phone, "are you saying my dad died this morning?"
I looked up to hand over the rental agreement to the Hertz guy and the look on his face caught me off guard, as if he had just heard that someone had passed away...
then i realized... whoa... dude... your dad just died.
Life with Pug was a lot like that...
in those days, I had so many experiences that I had built upon
the Army, some 24hr solo races, a few years of fanatically driving myself... as if chasing some kind of elusive goal, by racing as much as I could muster
in many ways... Life with Pug, had marked a begging of a new chapter in my Life which I somehow thought I understood, but to actually experience that life, was something quite different than what I had thought I had studied and prepared for. total naivety.
life on Pug was totally that; of course I had ridden road bikes and mtbs A LOT, getting on The Pug was totally different. suddenly the same trails were different, i could crash thru small brush, roll across sand... all those things were familiar, but the Tacit knowledge base which was growing thru experience with Pug was very different from what it would seem like on paper. Tacit vs Explicit knowledge
my Life seemed to unfold in a similar... way? method?
of course, I'm familiar with hospitals, and I've done home care in the past, but being with my dad, was an amazing flash back. suddenly i was with my best friend, and the language we spoke was as if from a long time ago... it was bitter sweet. we'd joke about old times, all the while venturing into new territories.
explicitly, The Pug gave me plenty of opportunity to "re-explore" my old haunts in Ventura. As crazy as it sounds, in the early 80's, as a kid around 12-14years old, I used to ride old bikes that I cobbled together out of thrift stores, and I'd do my hobo ramblings, crashing out in a bush while wearing an old army field jacket and wearing work boots... I'd ride up around Ojai, into Santa Barbara, and back home to Ventura. all the while escaping a crazy life of living in hotels and a 1958 Ford Step Side van (think UPS truck), which Vietnam Vet hippy dad and I had converted into the classic hippy rv. of course, living like that, and coming into adolescence, sparks flew... i'd just hop on the bike and GO. screw it! just go!
20yrs later: the world had changed. I was now 38.
my grandfather and i shook hands.
I was 20yrs and ten days upon returning "Home" to my grandfather's house where my dad lived in the 1956 Fireball trailer which we had bought, and pulled with ARVee out to Valencia where we had painted 384 condos inside and out during one summer.
My grandfather being born a bastard child to a part Choctaw woman in Kiowa, Ok, 1923... no one would take him in... he never went to high school.
ironically 4/14/39 Steinbeck's novel was first published, today marking the 75th anniversary.
with that said, my grandfather had taken up the life of hopping freight trains...at the age of 14, and had come to Cali a few times tramping and looking for work.
thru my dad, and grandfather, I grew to love work... i crave it! will work for money!
The Pug was very much contrarian, finding the obvious solutions and opportunities to commonly prescribed routes and ideals. it very much played to my Devian(t) persona.
after my dad passed away... I totally thought I had my crap together and that it was an easy event to handle... in hind sight... I'm glad I resigned from my position, and completely threw myself into my world with Family... it was crazy. I can't imagine having put my "homies" (now middle management) thru this kind of crisis as if any type of "management" could possibly manage "devo on a meltdown". and as crazy as it was... i just thought it was "the norm". I was in some kind of Army mode, and ride, ride, ride I'd go...
The Big Dummy saw a lot of use between Monterey, and Ventura. Either touring down the coast, or a jaunt on Amtrak's Pacific Surfliner, which has a stop right at the Ventura Fairgrounds, which ironically was actually Camp Ventura, where my grandfather went to boot camp, and across the tiny Ventura River over in "Hobo Jungle" are the remnants of two old costal artillery howitzer bases...
there was no doubt in my life that I wanted to be a thirteen bravo, and there was never any doubt that i wanted light infantry, and no doubt i wanted to repel out of blackhawks...
returning to ventura on an O.D. green Pug.... rolling along the sands... seeing my dying dad, my nana, my blind grandfather... argh!
sigh... all i can say is that it was cathartic to say the least...
the pug and big dummy gave me plenty of opportunity to make my escapes.
it was just like when i was a kid
i'd study and get straight As. my GPA was a solid 3.84... i studied. i knew everything.
but yet... i was a kid, and actually knew very little.
i worked
i wrenched
i wrenched on cars, motorcycles, and bicycles...
it was the same...
i returned to ventura
i had studied.
i had helped other people in this stage of their lives.
i was a COMBAT VET!
i can totally handle a crazy old man, my nana with Alzheimer's and my grandfather whom i held as my ultimate authority, only to realize dementia was setting in, he was becoming bigoted, and i was a ******...
damn... for realz? and there was my dad, smoking cigarettes and anything else he could scrape enough money for... pissing blood...
i knew his prognosis would be about 15 months
my dad passed away
my grandfather went CRAZY
my nana had no idea... then she died
my grandfather became an empty man, often times just huddled down, with a thin blanket... and we'd talk... often times i envisioned him in a box car... with the cold wind wiping around, the smell of the engine exhaust... looking for the next string of work.
looking for the Promised Land... following the harvest. tramping in America
and so it went... my family. my dad, nana and grandfather...
his estate went somewhere... i have no idea where... nor do care to go there and dig thru my emotions... for what? a few bucks? maybe...
i'm motivated, i can work, i'm focused, and seems like i'm plenty capable of taking care of myself...
very much like getting on the pug, going for a ride, and simply being on a Ramble...
when my dad passed away, 2 months later, I found myself at the starting line in Banff on my custom Hunter 29er, ready to make an attempt at the Tour Divide. what a glorious 7 days, 1,000 miles that was. in Butte, i conceded to my fatigue. i was seriously concerned about some nasty saddle sores, fearing incubating a infection... and succumbing to a comfortable bed, soaking in a hot bath... talking to people, etc...
it was only a few miles back, when in Lincoln, Mt. I had Ted Kaczynski on my mind.
somewhere in Canada, one night i laid my back on the ground, to stare at the milky way, and watch satellites passing over head...
its in those kinds of moments, when i'd honestly realize that my life was really small. and that quite possibly, The Divide was much bigger than myself... no amount of self discipline, motivation, etc... none of that... was going to propel me the entire length of the Divide.
like Ventura... my ideas of championing a family cause...
the Divide... was not going to play out of me.
ultimately I became very comfortable with touring down the coast.
my favorite had become Astoria to Ventura
Arcata, Ca to Ferndale, then into the Lost Coast, and into the Sinkyone Wilderness, along Usal Rd, a combo of dirt and pave for about 125 miles, dumping out north of Cleone, Ca.
the Army
my family
the pug
the dummy
the hunter 29er
the divide...
my job...
leaving...
and now a solid return...
so i guess this goes out to my dad.
you folks are crazy...