Mountain Bike Reviews Forum banner

1 - 20 of 192 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
35 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi all. This is not really my first post here. I usually post under a different name,and I feel a sense of community on here. I need some help.
I found out yesterday that my wife has been unfaithful. It only happened a few times, all with the same guy (I know him, but not well). I’m gutted. I don’t know what to do, I've been walking around in such a daze that even my kids know something’s wrong (yeh, 2 kids under 8). I haven't slept since I found out. or eaten.
I’m not proud of how I found out (think Tiger Woods), but I had been getting suspicious, as she was growing distant and coming home (really) late from running club.
If anyone has been through this and wants to send me a PM, I’d really appreciate it.
I’m still working out whether I can talk to any family or friends, so I kind of need you virtual aquaintances now.
 

·
humber river advocate
Joined
·
6,393 Posts
it's done, get a good lawyer, follow their advice. buy a new bike while you still can...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
35 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
singlesprocket said:
it's done, get a good lawyer, follow their advice. buy a new bike while you still can...
I'm not ready for that yet. Only been 24 hours, no sleep, lots of taking.
I want to hear we can survive it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
35 Posts
Discussion Starter · #4 ·
singlesprocket said:
it's done, get a good lawyer, follow their advice. buy a new bike while you still can...
I'm not ready for that yet. Only been 24 hours, no sleep, lots of talking.
I want to hear we can survive it.
 

·
humber river advocate
Joined
·
6,393 Posts
your in denial, you have to start building your case right now. talk to a lawyer today.
and my last bit of advice, don't talk about this on a open forum...
 

·
Ms. Monster
Joined
·
1,812 Posts
My only piece of advice: don't take advice from the internet. I'm not referring specifically to the advice already posted; this is a general statement.

Here's my advice (heh) - go for a bike ride and clear your head.
 

·
Evil Jr.
Joined
·
6,859 Posts
Whoa, this is a lot heavier topic than I bargained for this morning. :eek:

I'm not sure I'm equipped to offer advice but you have my sympathy. That sounds devastating.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
35 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Really only looking for confidential (I promise) PMs from anyone who has experience wishing to share. If you haven't been through it (not that i can tell from your posts I guess), no offense, but I don't want advice, although I DO appreciate the kind words and sympathy.
 

·
Lemmy Rules!
Joined
·
1,772 Posts
You are the second person in my sphere in the past 24 hours who has had something like this happen to them. I do not know your situation, but if it is anything like the other person I know to whom it happened, you have my deepest sympathies - it must be absolutely devastating.

I don't think glib advice like "dump her/him [I don't know your gender or your partner's gender], he/she is a cheater" is going to really be of help to you here. Only you know what you really want, and it will probably take some time for you to figure that out. My advice is take the time, and then go from there.

I know a couple who reconciled after something this, with a lot of counselling, so it is possible but it is not an easy road. The only advice I have in that regard is to consider whether your partner's actions were a symptom of something else that can be addressed. I'm only scratching the surface here, I know...

If you do decide to talk to a lawyer (and you should, just to be aware of what your rights are, and the ramifications of separating), speak to someone that specializes in family and matrimonial law. If you need a referral (I am a lawyer, but do not practice any family law), pm me and I will refer you to someone whose abilities I trust and respect.

Similarly, if there is anyone else out there on this thread that is a counsellor, knows a counsellor, or can refer our friend to someone else they think can help, perhaps they could post and make that known so our friend can pm them for more info.

Can I end this post by asking others viewing this thread to exercise a little sensitivity when posting - the last thing we need is for this to degenerate into a discussion about zip ties, winter shoes, drop seat posts or people in sausage suits.

Hang in there....
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
35 Posts
Discussion Starter · #11 ·
Unglued, Nerdgirl and garage monster...Thank you. This is why I took the risk of posting on here (warning noted, singlesprocket). Although I don't really know any of you, I feel like I do, and there are those on here whose opinions I respect. fwiw, there are hundreds of forums devoted to infidelity, ranging from overly religious to disturbingly angry. I found this out about 4am, during my 22nd consecutive waking hour. I did find some good info, but I don't know, I guess I just wanted to talk to "friends"...

Unglued, Thank you for your comments about cause, conselling and sensitivity. Not thinking lawyer yet.
Nerdgirl - good advice about a ride, but I have to wait until I can eat and sleep first. And its a little early in the season for a double century.
 

·
9 lives
Joined
·
15,953 Posts
Your subject heading "I need help" is a loaded statement and will be interpreted as such. If you are asking for help from virtual friends... good luck. If you need to vent then talk to a real life person. If you are seeking guidance as to what to do next then speak to a real life professional.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
35 Posts
Discussion Starter · #13 ·
cyclelicious said:
Your subject heading "I need help" is a loaded statement and will be interpreted as such. If you are asking for help from virtual friends... good luck. If you need to vent then talk to a real life person. If you are seeking guidance as to what to do next then speak to a real life professional.
My virtual friends have helped already (several good PMs). I am setting up a counselling session later today. I am not ready to talk to any real life friend or family member.

I do need help. I think anyone in this situation does. It has changed who I thought I was and what I thought I had. From my "virtual" friends, I have learned that I am feeling completely normal, that it may or may not get better, that the timelines are long, and they have given me some advice to ponder (but not necessarily agree on and take).

Your advice is also appreciated. Thanks.

I just ate a granola bar (first food in 27 hours). I wonder if I'll ever sleep again.
 

·
Evil Jr.
Joined
·
6,859 Posts
Since I joined MTBR, a lot of the "virtual" friends I've made have turned into "real" friends and it's been a lot of fun. There are some really solid people in this forum. You could do a lot worse out there on the internet... :thumbsup:
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
35 Posts
Discussion Starter · #15 ·
garage monster said:
Since I joined MTBR, a lot of the "virtual" friends I've made have turned into "real" friends and it's been a lot of fun. There are some really solid people in this forum. You could do a lot worse out there on the internet... :thumbsup:
Exactly why I came here. I do hope to meet some of you, but I will probably introduce myself by my regular screen name (and for the love of all that is good...please NO GUESSING!) omg, I hope nobody is doing that.
 

·
Evil Jr.
Joined
·
6,859 Posts
an alter id said:
I do hope to meet some of you, but I will probably introduce myself by my regular screen name.
It's actually quite funny how often this happens. The script is almost always the same. "You're Garage Monster, right? I'm _insert screen name here_!"

Let me tell you, it never gets old. :)
 

·
Ms. Monster
Joined
·
1,812 Posts
garage monster said:
It's actually quite funny how often this happens. The script is almost always the same. "You're Garage Monster, right? I'm _insert screen name here_!"

Let me tell you, it never gets old. :)
I actually still find it a little odd. Most recently, it was, "You're Mrs. Monster, right? I lurk."
 

·
Ms. Monster
Joined
·
1,812 Posts
Nerdgirl said:
I actually still find it a little odd. Most recently, it was, "You're Mrs. Monster, right? I lurk."
I re-read this, and it sounded creepier than it was. It was a very nice woman at the ladies weekend, who wasn't strange at all. But it seemed a little one sided! More posting, lurkers! I imagine it's the same for people who hear "I read you blog". My only problem with meeting people IRL is that it can sometimes take me a while to remember their real name!
 

·
Evil Jr.
Joined
·
6,859 Posts
It gets really hilarious when you can't remember who's met whom. At the Ganaraska marathon, I was like an MTBR ambassador. "osokolo, meet the thedumbopinion. oh, and her over there, that's racergurl..." ;)
 
1 - 20 of 192 Posts
Top