[C.Savage]

One of my best friends is moving from Fredericksburg Va to the Denver area, he's always wanted to visit Colorado but now he get's to live there, he has three kids 2 boys 1 split tail.
So he's all ready out there staying in a camp ground and has done a couple rides road and mtn but this weekend he has to come back to the area and get the ball and chain so he will get back to CO and pretty much say goodbye to riding. See the warden is lazy and does NOTHING to excersise herself, he claims she used to like to hike and camp when they first met but it's all gone down hill from there, he pretty much has to ask a month in advance for a kitchen pass to ride with me and it's one of those "Yah that's fine as long as we can go out to dinner for 3 nights straight because I am to lazy to cook and this is a good excuse to burn the money that you make because I don't want to work" He's tried to get her into riding/running/hiking but she has no interest, wait wait she does like to ski but only on occasion. He's pretty much allowed to ride to and from work which is more than some can do so that's cool and his boys are at the age that they can ride however one takes after his mother and is lazy and the younger is following his bro so he can't just say hey I've got the boys we'll be back later. On top of all this her idea of a perfect house is in a "Neighborhood" where the kids can go laze at the community pool and I can have pampered chef parties every week. The poor guy realy is in purgatory. He had to surrender his 2 y/o pup to me, mostly because the warden saw it as a good way to avoid traveling with the poor fella, but this is actually my gain because now I have two trail dogs instead of one. So I guess to summarize it. Friends moves to wonderful place for outdoor fun but has s/o that is lazy and restrictive. On the upside though my wife bought me a tickett to Grand junction (via Denver) for my 30th to go ride in August see you soon TJ!!!!!! Thanks for letting me vent.

 

[C.Savage]

Great point. I have fallen victim to having to ask to ride, not so much because I have to but because my wife and I both excersize a lot and sometimes we have to trade in order to say mow the lawn and stuff like that, but yah I can pretty much ride when ever I want I just let her now a couple days in advanced. Your right he totally let this happen I guess what stings me the most about is the fact that she does not look at it like "hey my husband is getting good excersize and it's good for his health, body and mind" I tell him he should ditch her and take the kids but she probably would just end up back in N.H as a dead beat like the rest of her fam. so he feels bad maybe when he gets settled in he'll meet some guy's who's wives are cool and he'll wake up and kick her to the curb.

 

[mward]

I have a friend like that, his warden only lets him out to ride about 10 times a year. And we have to beg to get those. It's irritating as hell because she's not active and wants him around to watch the kid so she can be lazy and do what she wants. My fiance rides and races with me, so she understands. I rarely ride where she isn't with me. I got the sweet deal!

 

[big_slacker]

Asking to go riding? Giving up you *DOG*?!! WTF?!

So what does he get for his trouble? Its not a relationship if one person is doing all the compromising.

 

[WeekendShogunWarrior]

i dont understand any of that crap! If she doesnt understand this is something that makes him happy its going to just ruin the relationship. She doesnt have to like it, but shes got to keep him happy. AND A DOG IS PART OF THE FAMILY. you just dont tell a guy to get rid of his fcuking dog, that is unholy!

 

[Wherewolf]

Dr. Phil would say...

"You teach people how to treat you." She treats him this way because he allows her to.

 

[mward]

Well that would be true. My friend who lets his wife order him around lets her do it. If he would stand up for himself he would probably get to go riding. He'd probably be divorced too.

 

[Wherewolf]

What's the point?

What's the point in staying married if you are miserable? What will he lose?

 

[otis24]

That's so unfortunate. When I hear about stuff like that I realize how lucky I am. My fiance encourages me to ride. I rode before we met so it's nothing new. She doesn't really excercise, but someone gave us this bad ass treadmill a couple months ago. she's using it everyday and watching her diet, asking all sorts of questions. She's only walking with 3 pound weights for 30 minutes to start. I'm really excited. Just last night she turned to me and said that she'll be able to run with me my next spring and that maybe we could get a bike for her and we could ride together. It's like a dream come true. All I have to do is encourage her and hope she enjoys what she's doing.
Anyway, before I got side tracked I was going to say that I wouldn't be in a relationship like that. To me it's gotta be like a partnership. Equal partnership that is. We've joined together to team up in life, but we still need to have our own seperate lives. Asking permission to do things my ass!! Sure let her now that you're going on a ride and where and when you'll be back, not a problem. But to beg for permission, no friggen'
way.

 

[TJ.]

I had that problem too... Remember.

After moving to Colorado I had to break the wife in to the routine of riding. I get real cranky if I dont get to ride. I am sure that our mutual friend will arrive at the same point that I did. There are some excellent rides in the Front Range. I hope to hook him up with some of my front range distant amigos to help him out of this little snafu of a problem. Once she makes some friends it will change. Having young kids is a big dillema for riding. It takes two to raise a family. Alex, and Anthony are at the age now that they are auto pilot. It makes being a mom easy (easier). I remember reading in Bike a few years ago about the kitchen pass acquisition process. Quite funny. See ya in Aug. Maybe we should plan a mini gathering.

TJ
www.gvii.net/hundtoft

 

[borregokid]

Marriages are so complicated even people real close to the situation like the kids dont know whats going on. The situation you describe is pretty much situation normal. IMHO once you have kids they are number one, not your wife, not mountain biking or any other activity. Your kids should be number one until they move out.

 

[shastaou812]

Man this hits close to home.

I am in much the same boat. I have been riding for over 15 years but through the last 7 years of marriage it has become very hard to get in many rides. Luckily I recruited a riding partner who is in the same boat and we can work in the kids and wifes into family days that include us getting to ride before or after the get together. My wife likes so say it is fine to go ride but then it always comes back some how. As much as I try she has not found anything to do with any spare time she has or that I could give her. But mostly it is just the fact of having small kids that makes it so hard. The best times for riding are all taken up with soccer games and birthday parties. But I would not have it any other way. I truly enjoy the good riding days I get and sneak away to the local trail stash for quickies when I can. I look to the future knowing that time is on my side and that soon my son will be able to ride with me and my daughter will not require as much daddy time.

I truly love my wife and kids and though they don't share the passion of mnt biking with me I don't hold against them and keep trying to get them on two wheels till they do!

 

[ldpullen]

This is a very sad situation

Even though I'm a fellow "warden" I don't understand the concept of permitting my husband to go do anything.

Before we got married he was a mtn biker and I was not. I got tired of him having to go out alone when his friends couldn't ride, so I learned how to ride. Now I love it. He's my best friend and I truly think biking has helped our relationship.

I have to agree that throwing children into the mix changes things. We don't have children, but if we did and they were of riding age, you can bet that they'd be with us.

 

[billybobzia]

that sucks. i can honestly say i am happily married with two kids and get at least 2-3 rides in per week. my wife totally supports it because i support what she needs to do whenever i can. i also work and bring home the $$ and she appreciates it. She also realized how important it is for my mental state and will tell me to go ride sometimes. i am a lucky man. i have given up stuff as well though, used to kayay but after having kids the thought of a class 5 rapid became more than an ego trip and it just takes up too much time.
like the last post said kids are the most important as this stage in my life. will do whatever it takes to raise them right. i hope they share my passion in mtn biking, would love to spend time riding with them. For those of you that don't have kids, it really is the greatest experience, nothing compares to watching your children grow up.

here is how cool my wife is, the other day my buddy and i were on our way back from a ride up in breckenridge and my wife called me on the cell phone to tell me there was only one beer left in the fridge - is that love or what!!

 

[billybobzia]

forgot

its not about asking for permission, but for us its about working around the schedule to come up with the best time for rides. I talk with my wife ahead of time and plan most of the time. having 2 kids is hard work so i try to plan rides when it will be easier for my wife (when her parents are around, they live close, or if she's going to a play group.)

With kids you would be an ass if you just took off whenever you wanted and left your poor wife alone. I also plan my out of town trips when she is out of town with the kids, or take them and the camper to fruita with us. thats fun!!

 

[otis24]

Yeah, we don't have kids yet, but when we do my riding will totally take a back seat. Even now I'm more than willing to skip a ride to say take one of our two cats to the vet if they have to and they're just cats. I don't mean that cats are like although we joke that they are. They're just small furry, with claws and fangs. I'm looking forward to having kids, not all of it of course, they get sick and learn to use the work "no". I'm really looking forward to taking them backpacking and learning to ride a bike of there own and mountain biking of course. My future wife knows how important it is for my mental well being to get out sometimes, she so encouraging. I'm very lucky.