[worldpiste]

Hi all, hope you don't mind my visiting the WL (I'm a dad); got a queston about young love & biking that might be best posed here.

He's 17, an accomplished (ie national level) road, cx & mtb racer. Pretty mellow kid, a little shy. She's the same age, a very competitive nordic racer, field hockey player, used to compete in equestrian events when younger. Maybe slightly more outgoing than Jr. She's got a road & a mountain bike (how cool is that for a high school girl?); I know she rides some, maybe not a ton.

Anyway when he brings up the idea of going for a ride, she's "not really into riding anymore". Now she's a pretty sensible girl, I like her a lot, but somehow I think there's more to the story. It's not a big deal for my son, he'd like to ride with her, but really enjoys thier time together whatever they do. And I don't plan to try to interfere, but would love to have a better understanding of what's going on. Any insights? TIA

WP

 

[formica]

she's most likely got a good reason that she's not sharing with you. I certainly wouldn't share my issues with my boyfriend's dad, and like all good women I expect him to be able to read my mind, I should'nt' have to explain myself....

other advice... don't you think that at 17 your son should be managing his own relationships, or posting his own questions to the WL.?

Actually it's unfortunate that she seems to be lacking in communication skills, or maybe he hasn't asked the right question yet.

formica

 

[papajohn]

This situation is on a need to know basis, and YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW.

John W.
Parent of three grown children.

 

[dirtcrab]

she's most likely got a good reason that she's not sharing with you. I certainly wouldn't share my issues with my boyfriend's dad, and like all good women I expect him to be able to read my mind, I should'nt' have to explain myself....

other advice... don't you think that at 17 your son should be managing his own relationships, or posting his own questions to the WL.?

Actually it's unfortunate that she seems to be lacking in communication skills, or maybe he hasn't asked the right question yet.

formica

Ya'll are coming down on him kind of hard. It's not like he asked why all us fat cows don't have any attractive women folk he can ride with.

If I am reading his post correctly, I don't think he's asking for his son's benefit (the son seems ok with it) Perhaps he is just looking for some insight into the female mindset. No harm there.

It could be a million things. You said she is athletic herself, perhaps riding isn't her forte, or since she's probably competetive in her own right, she might be intimidated by your son's ability on the bike. Maybe she's feeling too competitive to enjoy this particular activity with him or maybe she just doesn't enjoy riding much to begin with. I wouldn't worry about it too much. At some point all will be revealed and I'm sure your son will share the juicy details.

 

[sunnyracegirl]

Ya'll are coming down on him kind of hard....

Agreed - woah, he's a dad with a kid who seems to have his act together (not many national level 17-yr-olds out there), and he just wants to help... My guess is that they're pretty close, because 1) the kid is a bit shy, 2) being in the race circuit this long, he probably gets along as well or better with adults than kids, and 3) parents of children who excel are usually involved and concerned parents (either that, or they're over-the-edge-punch-out-the-ref types ). My mom might have posted a similar thread on my behalf had I asked her advice and she didn't know what to tell me.

It could be a million things. You said she is athletic herself, perhaps riding isn't her forte, or since she's probably competetive in her own right, she might be intimidated by your son's ability on the bike. Maybe she's feeling too competitive to enjoy this particular activity with him or maybe she just doesn't enjoy riding much to begin with. I wouldn't worry about it too much. At some point all will be revealed and I'm sure your son will share the juicy details.

I agree... it's any number of things. But if you know she rides, and suddenly doesn't want to go riding with Jr, it's likely the competitive thing. She doesn't want to appear slow. Perhaps if he suggested they get a group ride together with others she knows are not racers, she would know that the group will not be waiting on her. I hate the thought that I'm slowing someone down.

My own experience:
As a beginner, I always rode with people better than me and I hated the thought that they were always waiting on me. Only when I started getting other people to ride did I realize that most riders don't care if you're a beginner or you're slow, or if they have to wait on you. They're so happy that you're riding that nothing else matters. Only people who have waited on others and were there because they love riding have this perspective.

I'm competitive. I'm athletic. If it were me, I'd be afraid that I'd make his ride boring by holding him back. I would not want him waiting on me. I'd want to impress him, but know I'd never be able to impress him like others he's ridden with. I would never admit this to anyone, especially at age 17.

Maybe you and Mom and the two of them could go ride, to make it a relaxed, friendly, non-competitive thing... (unless you're Ned Overend, or something)

Thanks for being a concerned Dad.

 

[CycleMainiac]

As the mother of a former teenage mtb racer I can offer little insight except to say kids that age are fickle and get funny ideas in their heads.

My daughter was a very good mtb racer just prior to meeting hor current BF last summer. It took a year before they went riding together. She stopped racing but still went to the racers for the past year. They both played HS lacrosse up intil mine was sidelined with a torn ACL and had surgery. At the same time she was hurt, he hurt his hip. They were both supposed to be spinning for rehab. The BF would come to our house and she would set up the trainers and they would spin a bit together. That didn't last long and was boring.

Two weeks ago BF's best friend talks him into renting mountain bike and going to the greenbelt to ride. They do this and DO NOT invite my daughter. She was livid and ripped BF a new one later that evening. About 1 in the morning she called me to make sure the bike she was going to ride the next day was ready. They went out with her on the Titus all decked out on her high end gear BF in basketball shorts, tshirt, and sneakers on a rented bike. Perfect reverse *Date ride* (wish I had gotten a pic).

I don't know if they will ride anymore but BF now has a better understanding of my daughters ability. He didn't really get that she could ride down and up the technical trail he could barely walk. I think the idea of her out riding him in front of his friends is why they wont ride together more.

What he does not understand is that in just a few weeks of riding he could be a decent rider. He could easily get faster than her pretty quickly but he does not beleive that.

I don't know if any of this gives worldpiste any insight about his son and GF but maybe something will click.

I also agree the he should kind of stay out of it. Except to possible present group ride opportunities. Maybe for a picnic or to an outdoor concert. Baby steps.

 

[Spike]

Lost my crystal ball

We could all speculate till the cows come home, but there is no way for us to know what is going on in her head. If your son wants to know why she isn't into it, then he should ask her. He may not get an answer though. As I'm sure you know, sometimes youngsters are vague because they just don't feel comfortable explaining their feelings.

Spike

 

[worldpiste]

Wow! I wouldn't have guessed I'd get so much advice from guys in a Women's Lounge. Anyway, thanks for offering advice (I think).

2) being in the race circuit this long, he probably gets along as well or better with adults than kids

Perhaps if he suggested they get a group ride together with others she knows are not racers, she would know that the group will not be waiting on her.

Maybe you and Mom and the two of them could go ride, to make it a relaxed, friendly, non-competitive thing... (unless you're Ned Overend, or something)

These are some great insights & suggestions; thanks for taking the time. It's uncanny that you mention the adult thing, a number of folks have made similar comments to me about his moving easily between peers & adults over the years. Especially when he was younger, we certainly dragged him along on enough bike & ski trips, trail work days, etc that he was always comfortable with whatever adult funhog group he was stuck with.

The group ride suggestion is really good - if he brings the subject up again, I'll try dropping that one.

Ned Overend......ah no. Actually at an annual bike club banquet a few years back, my wife & I recieved the 1st Annual Double Helix Award for our "Research in Medical Science - proving that athletic ability is NOT inherited" ; - )

And thanks for helping with understanding the teenage female pyche. Not having any daughters in the family, I sometimes feel a little over my head when pressed for advice or opinions.