[bitflogger]

Does this sound familiar? Sports loving, thrill seeking been known to embarrass the guys type of woman thinks she'll kill or disable herself trail riding, skiing or sailing after becoming Mama? It didn't happen after child 1, and she rode while pregnant with all 3, but now she only wants to ride on pavement and she prefers bike paths with no car traffic.

I do buy her "they're only little and cute like this once" reason for enjoying being home or with the kids but so do I. Good baby sitting is not the issue with grandparents, aunt, uncle and good friends available to sit the kids, and fine single track 15-40 minutes from home.

I feel bad that she's not doing things that were such a thrill for her for so many years, but I do understand how thrills change. The three kids thrill me and melt me too. We're saving for a nice home within city limits so I buy the lift tickets are too expensive argument, but there are 3 bikes in the house and fun single track within our city limits.

Thanks for any insights.

 

[Christine]

What are the ages?

I'm watching The Nanny while doing stuff on the computer, and although I have no kids, I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that she's pretty physically spent these days as it is!

But the actual moms on the board can certainly give better insight.....

 

[formica]

since there is biking content, I"ll bite. Mom of 2 here.
My belief is that it's a state of mind.
some women get super focused on their kids to the point of losing themself..
Sometimes they know darn well that they are over focused, and yet it's what
they choose. Or they might feel obligated to be that focused: I'm a lousy mom if I don't give 100% to my kids.There's a lot of outside pressure to be a Super Mom: some will neglect their spouse, personal interests and even
hobbies if the quest to be some sort of perfect mom. Sometimes it's a control issue: no one can possibly do the job
that I am doing here, even if it's Dad, Grandma whomever.

Some just choose
to make the kids #1 priority knowing that they are only small for a short
time. This is cliche`, but it's very true. I've got one leaving for college
in the fall - trust me, where did it all go?

I know plenty of gals who gave up a everything to be focused on
the kids. I don't see that it's a real healthy thing. Me, my kids made me nuts if I didn't get make a break for it every now and then.

And as Christine points out, if she's run ragged and doens't get much help pure exhaustion can factor in... there are so many possiblities here that it boggles the mind.Three kids IS lot and if they are small...I barely survived two.


formica

 

[screampint]

If I didn't ride I would be one of those mothers in the animal kingdom that would eat her own young. I need the break for my sanity. I'm not a good mom if I don't have that time for myself.

That being said, I have two that are spaced in years, so I don't get fatigued from them (OK, I still do, but not like if they were three close together). Three close together would have been the death of me. OK, I'm being dramatic here, but I think you get the point.

 

[Christine]

On the episode last night, the father, a self-employed plumber with his own business, had his wife managing the office work or something.

During the day, she had to be "on call," every second. The mom was having a nervous breakdown on camera. The Nanny was adamant that there would be only certain times during the day when the mom would have the phone on; the rest of the time, it was to be OFF (taking messages.)

Even the mom was like, "Why do you need to get in touch with me EVERY moment?! This is *plumbing* we're talking about, not life and death!!" I was incredulous that the guy had been like this all along, what a control freak! The mom was guilty of giving in to every whine and demand from the kids, which made things worse rather than easier.

Sometimes families can't see the forest for the trees, though. Is there any way that you could re-schedule things in the household so that your wife can take an easygoing ride with you? Could she be hinting that she's over-burdened?

As for switching gears after the kids, I see it all the time: Women who get super-involved with their kids to make up for lack of fulfillment elsewhere. It's unhealthy- kids need to have good role models, not an over-involved parent.

 

[bitflogger]

What are the ages?

I'm watching The Nanny while doing stuff on the computer, and although I have no kids, I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that she's pretty physically spent these days as it is!

But the actual moms on the board can certainly give better insight.....

Thanks. We talked, and Christine the non-mom hit the bullseye. She said she can't bear the thought of anything that would get her more exhausted. She's hardly the too into her kids type thanks to all learned from 14 years as a public school teacher. She does her daily march with the dog and I'd say a house filled with orchids and daily baking are good escapes. I'll return to biking as a subject when her school year is over, and I decided I'll stay happy with neighborhood rides with the more difficult child in the child carrier.

I had my own epiphany and understanding. I'm the twins' Mr. Mom in the mornings, have my own business and am a trail manager in our area bike club. Today I realized I was too exhausted to do my banking by bike, and I realized that there has been very little rest in this house for a long time.

P.S. I didn't know there was soccer league for preschoolers, but our daughter said she wanted to do it and my wife said that starts on Sunday while she's with the boys. Maybe I can bike there he he he.....

 

[bitflogger]

On the episode last night, the father, a self-employed plumber with his own business, had his wife managing the office work or something.
.

I manage everything in my business and am at least smart enough to not throw any of it in her lap. I often turn down business when it cuts into our being able to care for our kids and do things together. She's very supportive when I do get an emergency and just says "money is good". Doing it all in my business feels very lonely at times, but I'd be a big fool to mess up what I have. Somehow I became one of the world's luckiest guys and got smart, good looking, strong, frugal and funny all in one package. Add the 3 cute kids and it explains why I often feel I have to make sure it's not all a dream. I'll just hope she'll say let's go riding again sometime in the near future and know what beauty waits at home if not.