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Self Appointed Judge&Jury
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Inspired by a thread by GoFaster about a “Dave”.

We’ve all been a “Dave” at one time or another. Stand proud and tell your stories, no embarrassment here.

What’s a “Dave”? Basically someone on a group ride [group defined as more riders than yourself] that holds up the group. Whether it be poor conditioning or lack of skills or both.

I’ll start:

So this happened before I actually bought my own mountain bike, I’d say 1993’ish. I was renting and using loaner bikes for a couple of years. This particular trip to Big Bear I was on a loaner bike from my brother. A hardtail Raleigh with a Rockshox elastomer fork and basket pedals. The bike was way too small for me and riding with tennis shoes and baskets was all the more challenging. I was way out of shape compared to the crew of 5 others I was with. My brother was always in better shape for climbing, my sister and her husband both raced XC for several years prior as did another couple that was with us. All amazing riders and were in better condition.

So we set off on a 12 miler [I ended up doing way more than that] on trails away from the resort. Many single track trails interconnected and crossing over fire roads. Lots of climbing and with some great downs. They had to keep stopping and waiting for me. Pretty soon I just told them I didn’t want to hold them up and for them to go on and I’d see them back at the cabin. They all agreed and took off. After a few miles I came upon a fork in the trail, I wasn’t sure which way they went. I chose the route I thought was correct which turned out to be the wrong choice. It was a hot 90° plus day and I soon ran out of water and energy bars. I continued on and soon realized I was completely lost. I chose a fire road which I thought headed down and would drop me into the town of Big Bear. I soon found out I was wrong, it would go down but then back up, it seemed to traverse the mountain.

Thick forested large pines there was no reference point to see beyond them. I happened upon the biggest rattlesnake I’ve ever seen coiled up in the middle of a fire road. I stopped and admired the beast rested and tried to get my bearings. Totally drained and was at this point freaking out. It would be dark in another hour, I pressed on. Just when I was about to give up a Blazer came ripping up the fire road. I waved them down. Two nice guys out 4 wheeling and knew I was in a desperate situation. They loaded up my bike and hauled me down to the bottom. Once I saw pavement I knew where I was and I had them drop me off. I was still a couple of miles out of town but at least I knew where I was.

I pedaled on and came rolling into the driveway of our cabin. All were out front showered up and grilling dinner. Worried sick they were about to head out looking for me. Come to find out the fork in the trail I came to where I went the wrong way. They said they positioned sticks shaped like an arrow directing me the direction to go with my name carved into the dirt. I never saw it, still to this day I wonder. This ride was a wake up call to me. Knowing the trails and being conditioned for the ride. Riding alone in unfamiliar area can get you in trouble quick.
 

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Thinking about riding.
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Recently I rode with a Dave who is normally way faster than me. Not sure what the deal was, but he was just all stops and bike adjustments that day... And SLOW on the climbs. Usually he's got me coughing up a lung trying to keep up. Happens to the best of us I suppose and we still had a fun ride.

I also regularly ride with an anti-Dave; his bike always breaks, but he always finds a way to zip tie it together in three minutes then finishes the ride without mentioning it again. Same for his fitness - he always starts the ride saying he's super out of shape, then hammers the whole time with zero complaints. Bad ass.
 

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Thirty years ago as a noob I got invited on a group ride to which I accepted the invitation. When I got to the meetup area there was Travis Brown and a few other high level racers. I was able to keep up for about 1/2 mile before I threw up and went home. Why the hell did that guy even invite me along? He knew I wasn't up to the task.
 

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anti-Dave... that's funny.

I've known some and been a Dave, but hope that as I've gotten older I can say I'm working' on it.
 

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Rode with "Dave" this past summer, he bonked two miles into a 10 mile loop. I babied him through the remaining 8 miles, made sure he ate and drank liquid and had him ride my bike (as his was a POS that wasn't helping him any).

Got him back to the parking lot and then reamed out the gut who invited him and didn't stay with him. Dave got in over his head, we've all done it.

This past weekend I was "Dave" on a road ride with the boys from the shop. I wasn't super slow but they are all 15+ years younger than me so haven't got the mileage. They had to dial the speed back a little for me and I appreciated it.

Moral: We'll all be "Dave" one day, just hope the guys you ride with aren't dicks about it. And if you want to do a fast ride only invite the fast guys.
 

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I tried to think of times I was a Dave, but I really don't think I have been (though I'm sure they all think that.) If I'm ruining your ride I think I'm well aware of it and it's ruining my ride too - I bail and find my own path long before that happens.

I've been slow, I've had mechanicals, etc... But as soon as I can tell it's affecting the group I don't like the attention and bail. I go to the woods to feel independent, not to depend on others.
 

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Having a 'Dave' on one's 24 MTB race team in the absence of knowing such was a mistake I witnessed last year. He happened to be on a 4-man squad amongst several groups we organized for a large 24 event.

Nice guy, but he wasn't training properly for the event and cramped up significantly on his laps, causing the team to literally lose up to 2 hrs. He pulled out leaving 3 guys to manage the race for the remaining 16 hrs or so.

Our 'Dave' felt horrible.
 

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I've ridden with Daves. One Dave I'll never forget. Ironically, he was fast and in shape. However, Dave couldn't ride trail worth a damn. Once, a group of us (including Dave) were in the middle of a good trail ride when Dave stopped the group and demanded that we show him another way back to the cars. We explained that the quickest way was our route, but he was having nothing of it. So we explained a route that got Dave to a trail he knew and liked so he could go back (a longer route). Dave then rode away. When Dave got back to the lot, he packed-up, got in his car, rolled down his window and essentially said he was never riding with us again. And he didn't.

I've been a Dave too. I remember cussing (audibly under my breath) a riding partner who took me on a long snow ride when I first started biking. I was wearing tennis shoes and my feet froze. I had another blow-up once when I was in an orienteering race, and my partner talked me into going a direction that I thought was wrong. Well, I was right and we got super lost.

I guess Daves happen....or maybe we should call them "Dave Moments."
 

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My favorite Dave was a personal trainer. He had come from a few hours away in part to ride with us. When we asked him what he'd like to ride he made it clear - 'I'm in way better shape than either of you, so whatever you want is fine.'

Cool, so we started how we started literally every ride at that time - with a 9 mile 1,200 foot climb (as the numbers show, it's not a slog but it is 9 miles of generally trending upward). By the time we hit the top and told him we would start the descending fun he was spent and cussing mad... We descended road back down because every other option had some climbing in it and he wasn't having that.

Of course we reminded him that he had said he was in better shape than us so whatever we could do he could do... Suddenly he remembered how heavy his bike was, how boring climbing was and every other imaginable excuse for why he could do the ride but just didn't want to.

(Same guy wore holes in his feet on a backpacking trip after giving us a similar macho speech about how whatever we could do he could do better... Apparently not.)
 

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the beat goes on
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dave-like moments:
1) rode a century road ride once. was not prepared. actually made it all the way thru, but it took way longer than it should. the organizer who had to wait until i reported back wasn't pleased. what's an extra 4 or 5 hours waiting for a slacker? ( i didn't know they had to wait.)

2) rode trail with someone who totally outclassed me in every way. i tried to beg off, but he insisted. i couldn't say no. somewhere along the way i told him to go ahead and pass. he did. i never saw him again. and never rode with him again.

but you can't call me dave. i know my limits. and i would never hold you back.
 

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Is it possible to "Dave" somebody? :lol:

We took a guy on a night ride who we all thought talked a bit too big for his britches. He brought an unsuitable bike, and he never listened to our legitimate trail advice - which was easy to distinguish because we weren't rolling our eyes when we spoke it. He bent his rigid fork on the 1st creek crossing. One of the guys was stout enough to bend the fork back into approximately the correct rake and we continued. While the bunch of us had a pretty fun ride, our Dave struggled for the duration and never joined us again.

-F

PS - that reminds me of an extensive thread on "Posers" or "Parking Lot Posers" or something that has some great stories.
 

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I had a roommate in college named Dave. We lived in a 3 BR trailer. One night after Dave closed out the bar, he wandered across the street to the police station and slashed one tire on each of the patrol cars. It was a lovely night, brisk (cold as f&%k) and had just snowed about an inch. At about 3am, the police were banging on the front and back door of our place. They dragged us out in the snow in our jammies, demanding to know who the owner of the green Ritchie mountain bike was. My other roommate Keith and I immediately pointed out Dave and were let back in the house. When we asked the police how they found Dave so fast, the replied, "We followed his bike track through the snow".

Dave's sentence, Washing police cars for a few months.
 

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No known cure
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I recently went snowboarding with a neighbor. She was on skis. On the short drive over to the resort, she made it clear that she skis alone and wasn't going to wait for me. I said, " Same here, we can meet in the lodge later".
 

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In road cycling, there are Freds and Dorrises. You don't want to be perceived as being a Fred or a Dorris, and if one is your actual name, come up with an alias or nickname for riding.
 

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I hope I haven't ever "Daved" anyone.

I've ended up being blown apart before, but the scenarios where that's occurred have either resulted in me voluntarily separating from the group so that I don't hold them up anymore, or weren't my fault at all. Such as the case where I showed up to a ride advertised as a beginner ride that wasn't actually a beginner ride.
 

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Fart smeller
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Was taking a Dave newbie along for a ride. He was late getting to my house, so I was speeding on the way to the trailhead. Got a ticket.

We stopped on the way so he could get "breakfast", which was a couple of AM/PM hotdogs. On the trail, those hotdogs came back up.

Justice was served, tepidly. Almost worth the ticket.
 
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