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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hey everyone,
Kinda weird question here. I was wondering how many of you single folk would make sure your next serious love interest rode or was as active as you were in other activities. I am a female who just left a long term relationship (for many reasons) with a guy who didn't ride or participate in many outdoor sports. When I met him, I didn't so much either, but then the MTB racing bug bit me (5-6 yrs ago) and now I race at a pretty high level and ride/race all the time. So Id be out on trips every weekend with my friends/competitors and their husbands/BFs who also ride/race and always felt like I was single. This really bothered me.

Now I see that many GUYS who race/ride a lot have stay at home wives that do not accompany them on their numerous summer (and winter - skiing) adventures but I figure that there are so (relatively) few REALLY active women that guys don't really have the options that women do. As a single, very active, hangs with the boys in many sports type of girl, I figure I should be able to hook up with a very active guy. I am willing to cut back or even quit racing but I know that I will need to replace this time w/ time spent doing something equally active.

Soooo - my dilemma (sorry to be so long-winded): I come to find out that a much less active friend has had a crush on me for the last 5! yrs but didn't want to wreck the relationship I was already in so never acted on it. We have some other things in common and he is a great guy and there is (now) some physical attraction on my part as well but, I wonder if I could do better?!? That sounds so harsh - I guess by better, I mean more compatible - ie willing to spend weekend days riding/hiking/skiing for 8 hrs like I like to!

What would y'all do?????? :confused:

Thanks!!!
 

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paintbucket
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You just left a relationship. Take some time off for you. Besides, love usually comes when you least expect it, not when you're looking for it.
 

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redrott said:
What would y'all do?????? :confused:

Thanks!!!
Get your phone number!!!! :)

JK, I am married and all... but do understand the imbalance issue clearly. My wife and I have struck a balance - where I go goof off at a dozen bigger events each season now - and sometimes she accompanies me, sometimes not. It's bothersome at times to be apart so much, but then we're pretty dang close otherwise - no long commutes, eat lunch together most days, hike with the dog, and so on...

If it's really important that you & a mate are +/-equally active, then it'll be worth finding that person that's similarly inclined. As a woman - it ought to be a cinch! ;) Biking-wise anyhow...
 

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redrott said:
Hey everyone,
Kinda weird question here. I was wondering how many of you single folk would make sure your next serious love interest rode or was as active as you were in other activities. I am a female who just left a long term relationship (for many reasons) with a guy who didn't ride or participate in many outdoor sports. When I met him, I didn't so much either, but then the MTB racing bug bit me (5-6 yrs ago) and now I race at a pretty high level and ride/race all the time. So Id be out on trips every weekend with my friends/competitors and their husbands/BFs who also ride/race and always felt like I was single. This really bothered me.

Now I see that many GUYS who race/ride a lot have stay at home wives that do not accompany them on their numerous summer (and winter - skiing) adventures but I figure that there are so (relatively) few REALLY active women that guys don't really have the options that women do. As a single, very active, hangs with the boys in many sports type of girl, I figure I should be able to hook up with a very active guy. I am willing to cut back or even quit racing but I know that I will need to replace this time w/ time spent doing something equally active.

Soooo - my dilemma (sorry to be so long-winded): I come to find out that a much less active friend has had a crush on me for the last 5! yrs but didn't want to wreck the relationship I was already in so never acted on it. We have some other things in common and he is a great guy and there is (now) some physical attraction on my part as well but, I wonder if I could do better?!? That sounds so harsh - I guess by better, I mean more compatible - ie willing to spend weekend days riding/hiking/skiing for 8 hrs like I like to!

What would y'all do?????? :confused:

Thanks!!!
Hold out for someone who is active, whether its' climbing, biking, kayaking, etc... If I find myself in the same situation again, I have sworn to myself that I will hold out for a girl who is also very active, it would have saved me tons of grief had I learned this 3 relationships ago.

Good luck
 

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Non Dual Bliss
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redrott said:
Hey everyone,
Kinda weird question here. I was wondering how many of you single folk would make sure your next serious love interest rode or was as active as you were in other activities. I am a female who just left a long term relationship (for many reasons) with a guy who didn't ride or participate in many outdoor sports. When I met him, I didn't so much either, but then the MTB racing bug bit me (5-6 yrs ago) and now I race at a pretty high level and ride/race all the time. So Id be out on trips every weekend with my friends/competitors and their husbands/BFs who also ride/race and always felt like I was single. This really bothered me.

Now I see that many GUYS who race/ride a lot have stay at home wives that do not accompany them on their numerous summer (and winter - skiing) adventures but I figure that there are so (relatively) few REALLY active women that guys don't really have the options that women do. As a single, very active, hangs with the boys in many sports type of girl, I figure I should be able to hook up with a very active guy. I am willing to cut back or even quit racing but I know that I will need to replace this time w/ time spent doing something equally active.

Soooo - my dilemma (sorry to be so long-winded): I come to find out that a much less active friend has had a crush on me for the last 5! yrs but didn't want to wreck the relationship I was already in so never acted on it. We have some other things in common and he is a great guy and there is (now) some physical attraction on my part as well but, I wonder if I could do better?!? That sounds so harsh - I guess by better, I mean more compatible - ie willing to spend weekend days riding/hiking/skiing for 8 hrs like I like to!

What would y'all do?????? :confused:

Thanks!!!
No advice other than to do what feels right, but you've come to the right place. Your PM mailbox will soon be overflowing with professions of affection from all the lonely heart dudes lurking on this forum who dream of finding a Betty to love. ;)
 

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DWF said:
No advice other than to do what feels right, but you've come to the right place. Your PM mailbox will soon be overflowing with professions of affection from all the lonely heart dudes lurking on this forum who dream of finding a Betty to love. ;)
Hah! Told you! They're already starting to crawl out of the woodwork.....:)
 

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If you choose guys based entirely on their high level of physical activity, your relationships aren't gonna last very long. There's much more that goes into compatibility than physical activity. My wife doesn't like to ride bikes very much, but that doesn't affect how much I love her.

I come to find out that a much less active friend has had a crush on me for the last 5! yrs but didn't want to wreck the relationship I was already in so never acted on it. We have some other things in common and he is a great guy and there is (now) some physical attraction on my part as well but, I wonder if I could do better?!? That sounds so harsh - I guess by better, I mean more compatible - ie willing to spend weekend days riding/hiking/skiing for 8 hrs like I like to!
You're right...that does sound harsh. It's also very superficial. Why would you not go out with someone that's a "great guy" and someone you're physically attracted to? Because he's not as physically active as you? That's pretty weak!
 

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.thumper. said:
You should put serious thought into riding bikes with someone named .thumper.
I think you need to ask her first if she's opposed to attaching a "trail a bike" to her seatpost - then work on negotiating the rest, Grant. ;)

edit: I can vouch for Grant and tell you that I think he would do just fine as a stoker. :D
 

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trailrash said:
If you choose guys based entirely on their high level of physical activity, your relationships aren't gonna last very long. There's much more that goes into compatibility than physical activity. My wife doesn't like to ride bikes very much, but that doesn't affect how much I love her.

You're right...that does sound harsh. It's also very superficial. Why would you not go out with someone that's a "great guy" and someone you're physically attracted to? Because he's not as physically active as you? That's pretty weak!
I think you are missing her point. She is already considering starting a relationship with someone who does not ride, but is considering all of her options. I think that her question is very valid without being superficial. If you are passionate about something and spend a lot of time doing it and are out of town a lot while doing it, it makes it much easier to have a relationship with someone who is like-minded.
 

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(school of funk that is)
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It all depends on who that individual is...

Having said that, I think that common hobbies are extremely beneficial in a healthy long-term relationship.

When I first dated my wife, we did everything together and were at compatible interests and abilities (run, ski, windsurf, climb, etc.). In my college days, I was a back-country guide and most the guys on the trips left their wives/gfs home. Just the way the campfire conversations went, I felt that their relationships were really missing some great opportunities.

Anyway, my wife and I have been dating now for 20 years (married 17). All relationships will have their challenges. The fact that my wife and I have similar extracurricular interests has resulted in an extremely strong foundation. I love and lust my wife just as much as I always did. We now have two kids (11 and 7) and drag them along with us (backpacking, windsurfing, etc.).

So, my limited advice to you is to date your non-biking friend. But, if a similar minded biking friend comes along that turns your cranks -- jump on him. Brake-ups are just brake-ups. To me, they are only BIG tragedies when kids are involved.

Good luck,
Tim
 

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trailrash said:
If you choose guys based entirely on their high level of physical activity, your relationships aren't gonna last very long. There's much more that goes into compatibility than physical activity. My wife doesn't like to ride bikes very much, but that doesn't affect how much I love her.

You're right...that does sound harsh. It's also very superficial. Why would you not go out with someone that's a "great guy" and someone you're physically attracted to? Because he's not as physically active as you? That's pretty weak!
Yeah, that's the same line I've heard from my friend who never rides anymore, because he's too busy spending "quality time" w/ his @ss planted on the couch. :rolleyes:

There's nothing weak about working to insure that your relationship is with someone who has common interests. It's called "due diligence" in some fields...
 

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stop...safety first
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life is full of many many twist and turns( as I hope yout trails are). My wife (We MTB'd last weekend)and I are in for the long haul. In sickness and in health yada yada ya....
Good people tend to stay that way. Fit active people can be struck at any time by accident or disease and become INactive people.
With that said...there are many many great people who are currently mtb riders...so why settle?
 

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trailrash said:
If you choose guys based entirely on their high level of physical activity, your relationships aren't gonna last very long. There's much more that goes into compatibility than physical activity. My wife doesn't like to ride bikes very much, but that doesn't affect how much I love her.

You're right...that does sound harsh. It's also very superficial. Why would you not go out with someone that's a "great guy" and someone you're physically attracted to? Because he's not as physically active as you? That's pretty weak!
I can't believe I getting sucked into this. It's not "weak" for that simple fact that she's been in a relationship with someone who wasn't physically active and now feels that shared physical activity is important to her. If she finds someone who's more compatible with her needs/wants/desires/whatever, her relationship will last longer.

Look at it this way: you just left a long term relationship. You find out some nice person has a crush on you, but unfortunately personal & dental hygiene never made to their list of things to do. You prefer sweet breath and minimal toe-jam; you gonna' enter that relationship anyways? Hell no! You're going to hold out for someone with pearly whites and soap-on-rope around their neck!
 

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Rolling
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wooglin said:
You just left a relationship. Take some time off for you. Besides, love usually comes when you least expect it, not when you're looking for it.
Exactly, although the way it's normally worded is, "You don't find love, it finds you"

And it manifests itself when doing activites and meeting people with similiar interests. So there you go, Redrott, just go do the things you like to do, and maybe something will "happen" eventually.
 

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Discussion Starter · #17 ·
Whoa!!!! Thanks for all the responses!
Ill try to respond to a few:
wooglin: You are sooo right - my plan was not to date for at LEAST 6 months so I could get my wits about me, learn to be single again, etc. This was kinda just dumped on me.

Thanks s1ingletrack, thumper and DWF for "defending" me - you guys seemed to have better caught my meaning.

trailrash: I don't really think that Im superficial - Ive just been there/ done that w/ the non active person and it was a strain on the relationship. Im just soooo active (even been diagnosed w/ ADHD) that that is just a big part of my life. I would think that superficial would apply more to those looking for a guy who drives an expensive car, dresses just so, has the "right" job, is tall, dark and handsome, etc. Those things aren't important to me - I just was my mate to be my best friend and best friends DO things together!

Great advice from everyone - deep down I think that that is what I have been thinking. I will prob see how things go w/ my "friend" but not push things too fast. He already wants to go riding w/ me - he used to race MX so should be pretty good at technical stuff!
 

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Ok!!! Ok!!!

Maybe I was a bit harsh. After re-reading your post and others, I don't think you're the superficial type. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be with someone who shares similar interests.

I definitely agree with wooglin. Take a break...some "self" time. Ride as much as you can and enjoy being single again. As said, love comes when you least expect it.
 

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It's up to you.

I've been married for ten years. My wife rarely rides and doesn't surf (my two things). But, I don't do yoga either and she loves it. Would it be cool if she rode her bike with me and did weekend trips? Sure, but it doesn't bother me that she doesn't. I think personal time and space is a healthy part of a relationship. I guess my point is only you can determine if it's that important for you and it sounds like it is. But, I wouldn't cut any prospects off just because they don't ride. Who's to say mr. right might not get into riding?
 

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Been There Done That!

I''ve been in both... wife# 1, DID NOT race motocross, DID NOT like going to races, she raced horses ( Western) watching horse races is kind like watching golf ( ok a little better) so in the end we both avoided going to each other's events.Even though we both did for a few years.

Wife #2 ( currenty and hopfully last one): Met a races(MOTO), she had been racing as much as me if not more. There's not much better then having a fast woman for a wife, there were no decisions on what we would be doing on any give weekend. Bliss!!!

Unfortunatly ten years ago when we quit racing moto and I took up MTBing, she DID NOT fall into it as she was with Moto. We have been married 10 years now, she's been on about 5 rides. That's ok, she understands the current passion but it WAS BETTER when she was part of a shared passion.( two wheeled type)

I have ride partners that are the same way my wife and I were ( on MTB's) their common interest is somthing I had and would like to have again... but I can live without it.

If I was in the market again, I'd find a MTB woman or do without.

If you don't have 15 toes, weigh 350lbs, I can't imagine it would take much to find a guy to hang with that shares your passion.

Good luck!
 
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