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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
(x-post from general... i'm a guy but sometimes women are better listeners) :)

long story short: my gf of 10 years has been cheating on me the past month and doesn't want to work through it.

so why am i posting on mtbr? i've lost my desire to go riding. i normally ride 2-3 times during the week, and now can't even stand thinking of riding. it used to be my way of coping with stresses, but now it seems so futile. has anyone else felt like this? i'm sure i'll get over it, but its so hard and i find that talking to other people who have had similar experiences makes things better. how did you handle things? i know i'm not the only one... just want to hear your experiences and thoughts. PM me if you feel more comfortable that way.

if you want the LONG story, keep reading:

after 10 years of having mostly the same core group of friends, i started noticing that she had new friends over the past year. i was never really introduced to them. the few times i was around them, i never completely felt comfortable. they were what i would consider "party friends," but for the most part not people i would look to as my moral compass.

i also have suspect that she has been drinking heavily when neither of much cared for alcohol in the past. we kept some jack, grey goose, and rum for entertaining guests but when i asked her about all the empty bottles of alcohol, and i suspected her roommate drank them and i wanted to confront her, she told me to "just drop it and let it be."

in addition to her new friends, she slowly stopped seeing her old friends and family, nearly all of whom she's know her whole life. then one day i found another man's clothes. i confronted her, and she broke down and admitted to sleeping with another man in OUR bed for several days while i was away at work. i told her i could forgive her if she would be willing to work things out. she vowed her love and commitment to me, but not one day after i left to go back to work, she had taken time off job for a 2 night getaway with this man. i now no longer trust or respect her... she's not the person i fell in love with and i feel she is lost.

i met her when i was flat broke and struggling through college. i had to decide between eating or filliing the gas tank... cereal was too expensive... a "lavish" night out at chevy's followed by a movie would blow my budget for the month. she was the one of the most selfless and caring people i've ever met and i felt completely honored that she would love me despite my lack of "status." she was my motivation of nearly everything the past 10 years. when i had rough times and could have turned to alcohol or other vices, she kept me out of trouble and i'm truly a better person for being with her. we eventually bought a house together (she picked the house and location, but its under my name and credit), but i worked about 200 miles away and stayed out there during the week. we began ring shopping. i finally had enough work experience and financial stability to begin plans to start my own business, and move into our house full-time by end of this summer. you know how hard it can be to completely give up your self-ego and start putting your RELATIONSHIP ahead of your own interest, but i know (and she'll agree) that i was willing to do anything for her happiness. i completely trusted her, without questioning intentions or worring about the consequences because of our history together. as long as we were together, things were OK no matter how f*cked up they seemed.

i don't wish any ill will on her. i've told her (and her new man, who i haven't met personally but spoke to over the phone) that she has a lot to offer. but in my heart, i fear that she's started down a path that's destructive and will ultimately be filled with guilt and pain, even if this new relationship makes things easy for a few months or even a few years.

it hurts so much that i have to force myself to eat or else my stomach hurts so much i can't sleep. when i do sleep, i have nightmares of her and haven't sleep more than 4 continuous hours. when i'm awake, sometimes i just start getting the shakes for no reason apparent to me. i cannot accept her back, but sometimes it seems so easy to do because it can't be any worse than what i'm going through now, right? i've never had any other "addictions" in my life. i don't gamble or drink or do drugs, so my for 10 years she was my "fix".

again, i know i'm not the only one... just want to hear your experiences and thoughts.
 

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Olde Phartette
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breakups........

are really hard to do!

I'm sorry you are going through all this turmoil. I actually got into cycling right after I had discovered my now X husband had cheated on me. It was some place for me to put all my angist and being a roadie it gave me lots of alone time to think. I tried to salvage the marriage but he didn't so I moved on.

One of the hardest things I ever had to do after 30+ years of marriage, how do you reconstruct your life when you are nearing 50 and had no career outside of being a homemaker to fall back on? Well I did it with lots of hard work and support from my kids. It gave me a lot of confidence in myself and the bike riding was a huge part in keeping me sane.

it hurts so much that i have to force myself to eat or else my stomach hurts so much i can't sleep. when i do sleep, i have nightmares of her and haven't sleep more than 4 continuous hours. when i'm awake, sometimes i just start getting the shakes for no reason apparent to me. i cannot accept her back, but sometimes it seems so easy to do because it can't be any worse than what i'm going through now, right? i've never had any other "addictions" in my life. i don't gamble or drink or do drugs, so my for 10 years she was my "fix".
Keep or get back to riding your bike, it will give you some place to put all your pent up feelings, it did me and when I got into that "zone" I found answers to some of the problems I was facing daily. It worked for me, I hope it will work for you.

Hang in there, life is not for the faint of heart. I wish you well on your journey.

Kate
 
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Dude:

First, I don't understand why you were DATING a woman for 10 years without marrying her. Don't give me some money BS. Lots of people get married and don't have any money. Next time you find a woman you really like, as in want to marry her, marry her in good time. Don't wait 10 freaking years. Woman can't wait that long. Usually, if you wait that long, well, she does what it sounds like your woman did. If you really wanted to marry her, you would have done it long before 10 years.

Second, next time you find a woman you like, don't move 200 miles away. And again, don't give me the money BS. If you want to make it work, you don't move 200 hundred miles away.

Third, if you didn't get it already, stop worrying about money all the time. For Christ's sake, you could afford to buy your own house. It sounds like you got enough money.

Fourth, screw her. You'll be over it in a few months. There's lots of other women out there, and from someone who has went through what you're going through a few times... I can tell you the best way to get over her is to go out and "date" some other women. But don't get crazy about it.

Fifth, learn from your mistakes.

Sixth, don't talk to her anymore and don't think her gonna get back with her.

Seventh, ride your fuggin bike. Force yourself to do it. Eat some yogurt and some energy bars.

Seven Point Five, if the other women and riding don't work, see a shrink.

Eight, talk to a lawyer ASAP. If you own that house together, you may have problems, whether or not her name is on it. I'm not sure where you live, or of all the circumstances, but she may be your common law wife. Just pay a lawyer a 2 - 3 hundred bucks to give you some advice. Maybe there's nothing to worry about, but, trust me, you don't wanna get screwed.

Ninth, seriously, dude, there's lots of women out there... the whole 10 year think makes me think she wasn't the right one???

Good luck.
 

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life is a barrel o'fun
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So sorry to hear this.

I've had some apparently great guys do a 180 on me. But with experience comes better judgement: Recently dumped a guy b/c I wasn't buying his line of B.S. any longer, and his reaction made me confident that I did the right thing. This was in spite of people telling me, "Oh, he really likes you!" and overlooking the superficial flaws. Even older guys who aren't Brad Pitt material can be full of themselves.

From now on, if some guy wants to play games, he'd better be as hot as they come and at least make it worth my time!!!

I still kick myself thinking of all the time I spent in pointless relationships instead of on my bike. I'd be so much better by now!

Use this time to work on yourself: Why did you remain in the situation as long as you did, without moving forward? Force yourself to ride the bike, even if it's around town. The desire will come back, and the endorphins are like a natural mood elevator.
 

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gentle like
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Dude, not meaning to be abrupt - that truly sucks - but I think you've been asked some good questions.

Also, if it was me, I'd be pretty sure of what reason exactly was causing me to shake ... aren't you?

In terms of her being your "fix" ... man, I'm sorry for your pain, but that doesn't strike me as entirely healthy. It's one thing to deeply love someone. But to seriously posture that in terms of a vice or addiction or need ... not so good I think. That's what biking (or some other thing) is supposed to be for you ... not another person. Not even jesus.
 

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Long and clinical-ish response...

First, really disagree with KITB on the marriage thing...if you had married her, this would have not happened how??? A commitment is a commitment whether there is a ring, a church or government involved. If you had been married, there just would have been a lot more legal complications than figuring out if she has any rights to what you jointly own. (Do talk to a lawyer ASAP!).

As for you, you are depressed. It is really obvious to me, but then, not everyone has read as much about it as I have, since I have to be medicated to not be depressed. And since no one else has gone here, thought I would throw it in the pot. A little clinical maybe, but I hope provides some usefulness.

Depression is a very normal reaction to the betrayal that you have suffered. Not that this will make you feel any better, except in case you were worrying that your reaction is abnormal. It is perfectly normal.

But before all that...loss of interest in an activity that you normally enjoy is a classic sign of depression. I remember reading somewhere that you can help yourself to move out of a depressive episode if you force yourself to do the activity anyway, because somewhere your brain will remember that you like this and then you will start to enjoy it again. Plus exercise helps rebalance your brain chemistry. So I would say make yourself go biking, BUT take it easy when you do. You may not have the skills you do normally because you are tired, not well nourished and a little spaced out, and you are more likely to get hurt, which will just make you more depressed. You also will not have the endurance you normally have, nor the patience with yourself, so this is not the time to be challenging yourself to do that trail that has always been your nemisis. So get the heartrate up, but avoid the drops and rock gardens.

These are the clinical symptoms of depression. Generally, if you have 3 or more continuously for a period of 2 or more weeks, you will likely be diagnosed with clinical depression. (list is from webmd, btw)
  • Sadness
  • Loss of enjoyment from things that were once pleasurable
  • Loss of energy
  • Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Difficulty making decisions
  • Insomnia or excessive sleep
  • Stomachache and digestive problems
  • Sexual problems (for example, decreased sex drive)
  • Aches and pains (such as recurrent headaches)
  • A change in appetite causing weight loss or gain
  • Thoughts of death or suicide
If you have that last one, get help immediately. You can go to an ER, call a suicide hotline, go to your general practitioner, or there may be a local agency that will provide support, or go to a trusted friend or family member. IT WILL PASS, but you should not try to handle it on your own.

If you have other symptoms, but not the last one, you have a few options. Because your depression can be traced to a specific event and IF you have a good support network around you, you can just give it time and see if it passes. But if you choose this route, you might want to put a time limit on it...say if your appetite and normal sleep have not returned in 2-4 weeks, you will seek alternative solutions.

You can also choose to see a therapist for talk therapy. It can really work if you get a good one, and in the first meeting you lay out your goals--to get through this episode of depression--signing up for therapy is not a lifelong thing, and if the therapist tries to tell you it is, time to try another one. They can just help you find better ways to cope with how you feel, and provide some professional oversight to the healing process. You could be in there as little as a month, or you may find you want to go longer to deal with the trust issues that are likely to have developed from this whole ordeal.

You can also potentially get medication. A few months on an antidepressant can help you get out of the depression faster than the other two methods. Most people who take antidepressants do so for a relatively short period of time.

A therapist told me once that the majority of depressed people will get better on their own without any medication or therapy (especially if it caused be an event, and not something you are naturally prone to), therapy and medication just make it happen faster. If the depression is getting in the way of living your life at least in a fashion that allows you to maintain basic necessities (i.e. maintain your job, your health, basic functions) then you should seek out help. If you can maintain the basics and are averse to the mental health profession, or you don't have health insurance, or whatever you can try to wait it out on your own.

Sorry, kind of long...I hope you can start to find some balance again soon.
 

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In addition to what others said, try prayer. It has helped me a lot in the past. I also take an antidepressant and years ago was in therapy for a while. If your depression hangs around too long definitely seek help. And get on that bike! Even a short easy ride will do you good. It has been said that the worst thing you can do while depressed is nothing. Doing nothing increases depression. Another little saying, Fake it 'til you make it. Get active! And you will survive this breakup, it just takes some time.

Best to you,
Rita :)
 

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First off bstyle74, let me say I'm sincerely sorry to hear you're in so much pain. Yes, we've all been though it, but it sucks so freaking bad. And please know that it may hurt like hell, but you will get through.

There is some wonderful advice in this thread. The only things I can add to what has already been said is to point out that no one (and I mean no one) should be your "fix." If they are, they're not right for you and you're not right for them. And the relationship cannot be fixed because it's not a relationship to begin with. This is indisputable, so you might want to sit with that a while before you reject it outright.

Secondly, you were together for ten years. She was drinking too much. She made new friends. She was dropping old friends. Ignoring family. And she was cheating on you for at least a month. In your own God damn bed. How and why on earth did you allow your head to stay burried in the sand so long?

I do not say that to criticize, please understand. But if you're going to have a relationship devoid of this kind of scenario in the future, you simply must take note of the signs and signals that your relationship is drifting apart, and not simply hope it will get better on its own.

As many of you have figured out by now, women drive me nuts. My self included. And I find men to be on par, more kind, genuine, rational, and truly giving than women. Hey, it's my opinion and I'm entitled to it, so let it be. However, I will say that when men get in a relationship they can tend to wish problems away instead of dealing with them. And they can become so comfortable in a good relationship that they're oblivious to distance growing within it.

So in the future when you find "the one," (and you will), if she begins acting markedly different, don't simply and completely trust her; do question her intentions and be concerned about the consequences of such substantive changes in her behavior. To ignore these symptoms and wish them away will only add to the distance. And emotional distance in a relationship is its end. Regardless of who is or isn't sleeping in your bed when you're not there. Regardless of how long it takes you to notice it.

Best of luck. And take good care.
 

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triscuit said:
First, really disagree with KITB on the marriage thing...if you had married her, this would have not happened how??? A commitment is a commitment whether there is a ring, a church or government involved. If you had been married, there just would have been a lot more legal complications than figuring out if she has any rights to what you jointly own. (Do talk to a lawyer ASAP!).
I agree here - I always felt that marriage was nothing but government/religious institution intrusion/paperwork on a personal committment. You can be just as committed or non-committed whether or not you've done the paperwork - plenty of people out there don't take marriage seriously and plenty of people DO take their non-marital relationships seriously. I WOULD agree that if she had been hinting/pestering you that she wanted to get married and you had been avoiding it for some reason (and for 10 years), then you could be asking for trouble in creating tension in the relationship. But as a stand-alone argument, not being married for 10 years doens't seem like a problem for me.

You do seem rather obsessed. Move on. Think positive. Focus on good things and things that you enjoy aside from her. There are other relationships out there, but you need to find your own happiness first.

Best wishes.
 

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Ok...here is what you do...

You ride...find a cute chick (one hotter than your ex), take her out...and let your ex see her...and live happilu ever after, with your new gf. Seems easy enough. I know it isnt that easy...but you do have to move on, if you ever take her back, she will cheat again...without a doubt.
 

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Weird. Very weird. I'll post something for you to compare to - take it for what it's worth.

Together for 6 years. We had our similarities and differences. I had to stop hanging with my friends because .... I don't know. I basically lived for "her". Get home from work, wanted someone to talk to, but "we" had other things to do. After 4 years (yeah, I was that stupid) "we" took "a week off". I knew it was over at that point, but I was told that things were "fine" after that. So, 2 more years (yeah, that stupid AGAIN) and i'm the un-happiest person around. Everyone that know's me could tell simply by looking, and they made it a point to tell me this often (those are good friends, btw). Suddenly I was allowed to hang with my friends and do more things that I wanted, but I didn't get anything out of the relationship.

One day I got a voice mail. She was on her way home from work getting a drive home from a co-worker. I didn't have to pick her up that night. There was three minutes of car stereo playing in the back-ground. Was she cheating on me? Maybe the music was drowning out something ELSE? I don't know and she denies anything. Funny, I already learned not to trust her before this.

You, however, DO know. Dare I say it, chalk it up to being in the right place at the RIGHT time. You have TRUTH. I would say that you can be thankfull for this.

As for a "fix" - you couldn't possibly be serious? No, REALLY? I think you need to take a better look at things. You're out of a relationship that has left you feeling comfortable for a loooong time. It's understandable to be upset, scared, worried...... a seemingly endless range of emotions. Get over it. You are out - now stay out. She cheated on you for whatever reason(s) and despite what you think/feel/know or what ANYONE ELSE can tell you, you will NEVER know the truth(s) as to why. If she was able to cheat on you then that's the next best thing as lying and she'll do it again (yes, I know ladies, men are the same way). Time to move on. Please, do so. Trust me here, man. I haven't been on a date in soooo long that it's not funny.

As for your riding problem - easy fix. Get up of you sorry butt and RIDE!!!!!! See the 8 year thing in my sig? Take a guess WHY it's been that long - you already know about 6 of them - the one's I regret the most.

I'm not trying to steal your story here - just shoot you a comparison note. Be thankfull for the freedom you have, go out there and meet new people (maybe a new riding buddy/buddy-ette..... but don't do the rub-it-in-her-face thing, that's just childish).

Oh, and about "your Ex" (yup, get used to that) - don't worry about her. Whatever she does and wherever she goes from here ISN'T your concern, business or responsibility. KEEP it that way. Don't start being a wussy and trying to call her asking her to come back. If she calls for the same thing then remember what you've just gone through - it'll happen again. (funny, it's a family trait with my Ex, no, really)

Right now you need two things to keep you going - balls. Now, do you have them? (hey, that's kinda prolific :D )

Now, if you'll excuse me, this is the Women's Lounge and i'm feeling a bit uncomfortable being here (rules?). The Title grabbed me from the main page and I simply had to respond when I read it. Thanks, this was theraputic.

Gentleman, ladies - (tips hat) Goodnight.
 

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bstyle74 said:
i don't wish any ill will on her. i've told her (and her new man, who i haven't met personally but spoke to over the phone) that she has a lot to offer. but in my heart, i fear that she's started down a path that's destructive and will ultimately be filled with guilt and pain, even if this new relationship makes things easy for a few months or even a few years.
One more thing, is it just me, or is this a completely unreasonable response? I'm sorry, but if some chick were banging my bf of 10 years, in my bed, for a month or more, any conversations I had with her afterwards would hardly be polite. In fact, any fury I'd manage to reserve from my bf's path, would find its way immediately to her doorstep, and we wouldn't have much to "talk" about, I promise.

I only note this because coupled with your "fix" description of your GF, and your exorbitant patience with her increasingly whacked out behavior, it kinda sounds like you were, or became, a doormat in your relationship. Doormats don't attract many women. At least not the kind you'd want to stay with for a decade or so.

Again, best of luck.
 

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Hello Kitty said:
...it kinda sounds like you were, or became, a doormat in your relationship. Doormats don't attract many women. At least not the kind you'd want to stay with for a decade or so.
First, thanks everyone for your advice and stories. I'm actually feeling a lot better now and I'll be riding sooner rather than later. Who knew mtbr would be so good outside of just biking info? Again, thanks everyone!

Now the doormat thing... I've been told that too by some people. Maybe I'm just too old fashioned. I did know about most of these signs (drinking more, new friends, distancing from old friends, etc) and I had confronted her about them. I took her excuses at face value, and I just trusted her because for 9 years she had always been truthful. And even after all this, I still believe that she's just making horrible decisions and trusting in new people who don't have her best intentions in mind. We weren't married, but I did consider her family and family don't abandon each other... at least that's what I was taught. Oh well. I completely understand what you are all saying. People change, and whether we were married or not, she would have just as easily chose this life for herself. I can't ever trust her again, but that doesn't mean I want to her go to hell with skin burning for eternity either. That's why I wish her the best of luck (she's gonna need it).

We agree to disagree, right? Guess there's just a fine line between doormat and dedication. In any case, thanks everyone for helping me through this.
 

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Don't worry, be happy!
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now might be a good time to take a look at how you were in the relationship. No relationship failure or problems are ever the result of just one person. This could be a good time to examine, learn and grow. If you don't you could be doomed to repeat whatever mistakes you were making for 10 years the first time around.

formica
 

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Hello Kitty said:
.........
Secondly, you were together for ten years. She was drinking too much. She made new friends. She was dropping old friends. Ignoring family. And she was cheating on you for at least a month. In your own God damn bed. How and why on earth did you allow your head to stay burried in the sand so long?

I do not say that to criticize, please understand. But if you're going to have a relationship devoid of this kind of scenario in the future, you simply must take note of the signs and signals that your relationship is drifting apart, and not simply hope it will get better on its own.
...........
.......
I think Kitty has some good pointers here. Maybe I'm going to put this from my point of view and personal experience. When I broke up with my ex-gf, it was not from a single event that I said I didn't want to continue, but I think all along the relationship I've seen some traits that I didn't like that were important. When they happened the relationship was going well, they didn't seem like much. I think we had, what I thought, a good relationship. Suddenly, I wanted to move further ahead, maybe not marriage, but wanted to see the relationship more formal.... That was when I reviewed my time with her, and thought about what we have gone through, nice times, etc.. But it was those details that didn't seemed as much when they happened, when I reviewed them as a whole, that I decided that they were pointers to a conduct from her that I wouldn't like and, even if I tried to minimize them, wish them away or whatever, were going to affect seriously our relationship.

I think I should have spoken with her before that. I did very wrong in not keeping an open comunication, and I will try to avoid that in the future, but I realize that sometimes I may fail in comunicating, or to pretend that this thing isn't really imporant and that I could deal with it when it gets bigger (big laugh). What I think is that when we're in a relationship it's harder for us to notice where the little details are leading us, where it would be easier from another person. What I think is that sometimes we should accept that we didn't see what was right in front of our eyes, because, if we go to the other extreme, we may fall to being too paranoid or without any trust or patience in your partner.

Sorry for your breakup, but I think it is better to break up now than latter.
 

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doormat?

I can't fit the pieces together .. how could she have a roommate in your house? The 200 mile separation was your own way of breaking off, you just couldn't face it. You were probably relieved when you found out she was unfaithful, gave you the final excuse.
 

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triscuit said:
As for you, you are depressed. It is really obvious to me, but then, not everyone has read as much about it as I have, since I have to be medicated to not be depressed. And since no one else has gone here, thought I would throw it in the pot. A little clinical maybe, but I hope provides some usefulness.

Depression is a very normal reaction to the betrayal that you have suffered. Not that this will make you feel any better, except in case you were worrying that your reaction is abnormal. It is perfectly normal.

But before all that...loss of interest in an activity that you normally enjoy is a classic sign of depression. I remember reading somewhere that you can help yourself to move out of a depressive episode if you force yourself to do the activity anyway, because somewhere your brain will remember that you like this and then you will start to enjoy it again. Plus exercise helps rebalance your brain chemistry. So I would say make yourself go biking, BUT take it easy when you do. You may not have the skills you do normally because you are tired, not well nourished and a little spaced out, and you are more likely to get hurt, which will just make you more depressed. You also will not have the endurance you normally have, nor the patience with yourself, so this is not the time to be challenging yourself to do that trail that has always been your nemisis. So get the heartrate up, but avoid the drops and rock gardens.

These are the clinical symptoms of depression. Generally, if you have 3 or more continuously for a period of 2 or more weeks, you will likely be diagnosed with clinical depression. (list is from webmd, btw)
  • Sadness
  • Loss of enjoyment from things that were once pleasurable
  • Loss of energy
  • Feelings of hopelessness or worthlessness
  • Difficulty concentrating
  • Difficulty making decisions
  • Insomnia or excessive sleep
  • Stomachache and digestive problems
  • Sexual problems (for example, decreased sex drive)
  • Aches and pains (such as recurrent headaches)
  • A change in appetite causing weight loss or gain
  • Thoughts of death or suicide
If you have that last one, get help immediately. You can go to an ER, call a suicide hotline, go to your general practitioner, or there may be a local agency that will provide support, or go to a trusted friend or family member. IT WILL PASS, but you should not try to handle it on your own.

If you have other symptoms, but not the last one, you have a few options. Because your depression can be traced to a specific event and IF you have a good support network around you, you can just give it time and see if it passes. But if you choose this route, you might want to put a time limit on it...say if your appetite and normal sleep have not returned in 2-4 weeks, you will seek alternative solutions.

blah blah blah

Sorry, kind of long...I hope you can start to find some balance again soon.
Blah blah blah depression blah blah blah blah

About 99% of the population matches at least 3 things in that list.

The dude is depressed cos his woman was not right for him. Therapy with a stranger or nonsense profit making drugs will not really cure these issues.

A 10 year relationship could take some time to get over. I once had a 3 year relationship that took me 2 years to mentally get over.

You need to get rid of her now. At this point she cannot even be a friend. She is a destructive influence on you. You must make a clean break. Demand that she leaves YOUR home NOW. Get a good lawyer. Use her infidelity and your attempts to reconcile to your favour. You don't want to lose much of the equity that you have gained in the home; not least cos she simply does not deserve any of it.

Move on. Find another better lady.
 

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Discussion Starter · #18 · (Edited)
pacman said:
I can't fit the pieces together .. how could she have a roommate in your house? The 200 mile separation was your own way of breaking off, you just couldn't face it. You were probably relieved when you found out she was unfaithful, gave you the final excuse.
the roommate was a mutual friend. the roommate was NOT the man she is now dating. the roommate was there because we had the extra space and needed a place to stay during the week. and how in the heck would i be relieved? why would i tell her i forgive her? TWICE?? the 200 mile separation was her idea 2 years ago and very difficult for both of us, but she wanted to live closer to her family (who she stopped talking to just 4 months ago). i was moving back this summer and getting married. she messed up, and yes, next time i'm in a serious relationship i'm going to marry her and not let go.

i don't agree with you (can't you tell? haha) but thanks for you time and opinion anyways. there is some truth to what you say, even if your reasoning is flawed. again, thanks for replying.
 

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bstyle74 said:
the roommate was a mutual friend. the roommate was NOT the man she is now dating. the roommate was there because we had the extra space and needed a place to stay during the week. and how in the heck would i be relieved? why would i tell her i forgive her? TWICE?? the 200 mile separation was her idea 2 years ago and very difficult for both of us, but she wanted to live closer to her family (who she stopped talking to just 4 months ago). i was moving back this summer and getting married. she messed up, and yes, next time i'm in a serious relationship i'm going to marry her and not let go.

i don't agree with you (can't you tell? haha) but thanks for you time and opinion anyways. there is some truth to what you say, even if your reasoning is flawed. again, thanks for replying.
Was the room-mate male?

Man you have been taken for a sucker.

Don't even think about taking her back. She wants something you can't give. What you have to offer will be something another (much nicer) woman will want. Onwards and upwards.
 

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kronik said:
Was the room-mate male?

Man you have been taken for a sucker.

Don't even think about taking her back. She wants something you can't give. What you have to offer will be something another (much nicer) woman will want. Onwards and upwards.
yup, the roomie was male... but he is about 65 yrs old and believe me not her type. her new man is 26. the roomie was NOT the problem. he wants nothing to do with our problem.

i'm not sure of a lot of things right now, but i KNOW i'm not taking her back. i'm moving "onwards and upwards" with people who are more stable and secure about themselves. another woman who values what i value will come along... maybe she'll even mtn bike!
 
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