provo river parkway - Trail, Provo, Utah

provo river parkway - Trail, Provo, Utah

DESCRIPTION

Mostly gravel, rock sizes vary from pea size to D-cup. Watch out for fat women hiding these large boulders under their lycra. It is the fat women in spandex that keeps this trail from being one of the scenic wonders of the west.

USER REVIEWS

Showing 1-10 of 19  
[Oct 11, 2005]
pepsicola
Downhiller

There I was, sitting in the colligate guidance office for humanities majors, staring face to face with a pudgy older woman who claimed I needed just one more P.E. class in order to graduate. I stared down at my worn leather shoes, incredulous. I tried to grasp the deeper (if any) meaning of the moment. Any conclusions I attempted to make were blocked by the nauseating sight of a wristwatch being swallowed alive by an overabundance of fatty tissue that had accumulated near the chubby left wrist of the councilor's hand. I shook the thought and stood up, "By God, I will take a tennis class, so help me. " The councilor blankly stared back. I left without saying another word. Weeks later, I found myself a boy among men. In Each and every class we were reduced to running around in short blue cotton shorts and grey t-shirts groping for yellow balls with giant fly swatters. We all desperately tried to follow our teacher’s instructions. She was courageous, and had much patience. Some of us could make contact with the ball, even producing a volley that sometimes would achieve three or four exchanges above the net. I struggled with the bare minimum requirement of hitting the ball just hard enough to place it somewhere within the large painted square on the other side of the three-meter net. Despite her efforts, any attempt to improve my backhand swing was futile. All incoming pitches were inadvertently treated as just another serve in an organized game of home run derby. That summer, I sent hundreds of little yellow balls to their doom: ball after ball managed to sail up and over the large black fence that caged my fellow compatriots and myself for two hours every Tuesday and Thursday afternoon. Before I knew it, five weeks had passed and the jig was up. Just as I was getting used to wearing a mere jock strap underneath those thin cotton blue shorts, the class was over. A week later, I stood outside in line for an hour under a sweltering August heat that hung in the air like a cloud of death as I waited for commencement to start. The black graduation cape I wore for the occasion stunk like the layers of sweat it carried from the multiple ministers of body odor past occupants left behind (fix the ambiguous subject). During that hour I didn't think of the tennis class or the pudgy graduation counselor. I tried not to think of anything really, but as my gaze wandered about in the afternoon light that dimmed (fix this: it is the light that is dimming, not that the light is dimming.) the large outdoor campus and the throngs of people waiting for their turn to graduate, an untied shoestring caught my eye. My left shoe had become untied. For some unknown reason, the left shoe of this particular pair had a propensity to un-tie itself often. The first person I saw upon rising post-re-tie was a skinny young man with nappy blond hair. He wasn't waiting to graduate, as he was dressed in normal street clothes. His head bobbed up and down as he quickly weaved through the masses of black capes. He appeared to be desperately looking for someone. I watched him for some time. At length he found who he was looking for. Just prior to a warm embrace by a young woman wearing a black cape, she yelled out to the blond man, "hey Phil!” The warm embrace took me by surprise, for I mistook her contorted facial expression for that of sheer terror. I expected the woman to punch the man, not hug him. After a long hug and an accompanying kiss, I caught a better look at her. What I mistook as an expression of horror was the end result of an overly anxious woman coupled with the unjust phenotype of hereditary ugliness. She was so happy to see her lover she broke into tears. I held back the urge to walk over and tear the two apart. I saw my self-holding the two in the air by the nape of their necks speaking to the woman, “ do you realize just how ugly you are?”

Customer Service

Seriously, this trail is the the quintensential freeride work out. This trail is incredibly technical, and dangerous. If there exists a triple-black-diamond, this is it. Since the city started allowing the public to build on the trail (Sept. '05) Half of the trail is now elevated on wooden ladders. There are plenty of Air-outs, 2" skinnies, and 14"+ drops to keep you consumed with fear and loathing. Don't come to ride this trail unless you have eight or nine hours to spend haveing the free-ride time of your life. If there ever was a freeride trail to write home to mom about, this is it. Don't let the other reviewers talk this trail down. There were likely on a black-acid trip when they decided that this trail is too weak. These same people are probably some of the best riders out there, hence it seemed so easy for them.

Similar Products Used:

none, this is the best trail in the universe

OVERALL
RATING
5
VALUE
RATING
5
[Nov 11, 1998]
mudbuddy

I don't know how this got picked for a mountainbike trail except that maybe it runs near the mountains. The dashed line down the middle of the trail keeps the pedestrians out of your way, sometimes. Not too bad for a relaxing little ride when central Utah's temp's haven't dropped to near-arctic levels.

Customer Service

Try it going up the canyon- alot more scenic, still lots of lycra "beauties" and rollerbladers but Bridal Veil Falls are kinda pretty when you get there.

Similar Products Used:

If you're in Provo, try the little trail along the base of Y Mountain, taking off at the trailhead of Rock Canyon. It's a little rocky but pretty fun and close to town. Some fire roads up Rock Canyon make for fun rides too if you're the masochist type that like to climb 3/4 of the time for that little downhill at the end.

OVERALL
RATING
2
VALUE
RATING
[Nov 20, 1998]
Spter

This isn't a bike trial, it's an 8-foot wide street, filled with idiotic out of shape joggers, walkers, and roller bladers. If you can dodge the boy scout troops that congregate in huge masses and cause bottlenecks at even the widest turns, avoid the heavy-set newbie rollerblader begging for help as they whip past heading towards skinned knees and holy lycra (what is it with fatties and lycra, anyway?), I tell you that even if you do avoid these two hazards, you will still have to reckon with 14 year old punks smoking their skinny lungs to oblivion and shouting profanities at you for daring to look fit. You will still have to avoid the throngs of too-young teenage girls who upon sight of well-toned bikers become desperate for attention and compete wildly for even an acknowledging glance or nod hello. If you've made it this far, you have surely already noticed the scores of dogs running without leashes; certainly your instincts are now prepared for the incredibly stupid response of the walkers each time you shout out "on your left", and by now you know that instead of moving to the right they swing around directly into your path, stunned by the sound of your voice, and like a deer in headlights they would soon become your mojo--hanging from your headset--were it not for your new brake pads.

There is a small reward in store, mind you. If you can make it through all these barriers you will eventually arrive at Bridal Veil Falls. And then what? Go back down the canyon? Oh, brave rider, it would be wiser to ride your bike on the freeway.

Avoid this trail. It's a family ride trail, and a very good one at that, but unless you are in the mood to dodge helmetless hords of huffys, beware.

Customer Service

My recommended route is simple: get off the trail anyway you can and ride to a bikeshop to ask where you can find a real trail.

Similar Products Used:

I'll post again later. There are at several real trails to ride in the same area, just don't even think twice about this one.

OVERALL
RATING
1
VALUE
RATING
[Dec 27, 1998]
Jay

Spater you crack me up! ;^)

I appreciate your detailed description. Right on the money.

Customer Service

Utah lake to Bridal Veil, it's agood way to go when the winter closes down all the singletrack. They keep it plowed for the joggers.

Similar Products Used:

Provo Bench, Franks Trail, Dry Canyon, GW Trail & Sundance

OVERALL
RATING
1
VALUE
RATING
[Dec 28, 1998]
Jacob Madsen

This is a very boring ride and not a mountain bike trail at all, but why is everyone staying on the paved road?????? If you have ever been on this "trail" then you must have seen all the little trails that go off the main paved road and this is where the fun begins!!!! I have found 6 different trails so far and all of them singletrack and great fun. At the first bridge going up the canyon there is a wide gravel road that will take you to two smaller trails. They are very steep and go uphill for about 1/2 mile where you will see the water pipeline. Keep going up and you will be able to choose between 3-4 trails. Use your exploring spirit and you can spend hours on trails that noone else is on.

Customer Service

Use the paved road to get to other places!!!!!!

OVERALL
RATING
4
VALUE
RATING
[Jan 12, 1999]
Benjamin Gehret

If you're a real spinner, don't bother.

Customer Service

Only when the snow prevents other off-road riding do I recommend riding this humdrum paved trail. As you head East through the corridor of the canyon, several unpaved deviations of this trail provide for some intersting exploring. You can also continue on this trail until you pass under the highway and onto the Bridal Veil falls trail. When you reach the falls, hike up (summer only) and take a quick shower.

Similar Products Used:

Stuart Falls

OVERALL
RATING
1
VALUE
RATING
[Jan 18, 1999]
Kenny

This path is no mountain bike trail. It is a boring, winding paved bike/pedestrian path. Stay away, far away.

Customer Service

Your best bet is to leave this trail to the folks on their 3 speed Schwinn's.

Similar Products Used:

Anything else, including the canyon road

OVERALL
RATING
1
VALUE
RATING
[Mar 21, 1999]
Hot Biking Mama

This is a fun easy trail for families to get out and enjoy together. It has shade and parks all along the trail. It is a pretty trail with the Provo river running alongside. Drinking water is available at park locations along with restrooms. I recommend this trail to all ages and abilities.

Customer Service

Same as posted

Similar Products Used:

If you like this trail you may also enjoy the Jordan river parkway trail.

OVERALL
RATING
5
VALUE
RATING
[Sep 22, 1999]
dave

I loved it. I've done some extreme riding in my time but this...this is what utah is all about. You could probably sleepwalk this trail if you wanted to. THis is the trail that you choose if your dad deales dope. If you are wasted, take this trail. If you have kids, take this trail as well. For that, it gets 2 tires.

Customer Service

There is a new skate park where you can park and get in fights with the skateboarders and the bladers. They are small but they are in packs

OVERALL
RATING
2
VALUE
RATING
[Nov 25, 1999]
Billy-Bob

I used to ride this trail exclusively, but only because it is close to my house and I don't have to drive to get there. For a MTB it sucks, but I would only recommend it to access the local singletrack. From this "trail" you can start up the great western trail which has a lot of smaller trails that branch off it all over the place. There is also the bonneville shoreline trail that meets up just below bridal veil falls. bonneville shoreline is a sweet ride with a nice roller-coaster-esque ascent which flattens out once you've climbed up a few-hundred feet in elevation above the provo river, but I recommend you start from the top of Rock Canyon for a nice descent to get on this trail. Generally, I like the Provo River parkway to be at the end of my bike rides. Provo River parkway is a nice place to relax if you don't want a serious ride, and if it's not totally crowded with joggers, rollerbladers, kids, etc. I short, if you find yourself on this trail, find a real trail to ride.

Similar Products Used:

anything in American Fork Canyon that connects to the Ridge Trail.

OVERALL
RATING
1
VALUE
RATING
Showing 1-10 of 19  

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